Heart of Darkness Chapter 150 - 117

Skender felt like he was suffocating. "Leave!" He told Lucrezia.
"Not everything is lies, Skender. You are born with the natural ability to tell between good, bad and evil. Do you really think Ramona had bad intentions?"
He looked up, his breath coming out in short pants. The pain in his chest was suffocating him.
"She went to Constantine to save you from becoming a destroyer. She left you despite being frightened and went to the very creatures she feared as it was her only option left. If she didn't care, she would have let you protect her no matter what."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" He asked.
"I know no matter what, it will be painful but certain types of pain give you strength to continue as well. Ramona believed in you. Nothing she told you was a lie. She cared about your safety and didn't want to trigger the destroyer in you because she wanted you to become the defender you were meant to be. Your happiness was her happiness. She would be sad to see you like this."
His jaw trembled and the lump in his throat grew larger. He didn't know what to believe anymore. Was Constantine telling a lie? He had seen it in his eyes. He didn't look like a man who was in a?one-sided love.
Lucrezia sighed. "I wish I could explain this one. I have lived among humans for so long but I still can't understand this so you will probably have a hard time understanding as well, but humans are different when it comes to matters of the heart. They are very complicated.?While our hearts are only drawn to one and the pain of moving on is too great, humans are different. They don't have a demon that fights them from moving on from the person they have chosen. It is easier for them to love again."
"Love again?" How? He had been like this for five hundred years and she loved again in what? A few months? If that was the case then she never loved him. She couldn't have. He would rather she didn't if she could move on from him so easily. He would rather be the one who misinterpreted it all.
Lucrezia just watched him, knowing what he was thinking. "She was a prophetess. Don't forget that. She would have known if you had a future together or not."
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Skender suddenly remembered her words. 'You will be a king one day. King Alexander. I can't be your Queen.'
She knew they wouldn't be together.
"Maybe, she even saw another woman for you in the future."
"No," he shook his head. He didn't even want to think of it. Of her seeing that and of it being true. He wanted no woman in his life and if she saw one then, it was probably on he married for political reasons.
His head throbbed in pain from all the thinking.
"If she saw those things, then it must have been painful for her as well. Maybe in all that pain, she somehow found happiness, even for a short while. There could be many explanations for her changed feelings, but one thing you can be sure of, and that is what you know. You know she was a sincere person. A good soul and you know she would have wanted you to find your own happiness as well."
Skender couldn't think. Couldn't decide whether to be happy that she found even a little happiness before she died or feel pained that she had to die anyway. That she knew all those things and endured it. That it separated them. That they were not fated.
"I hope you are not telling me all those to achieve something as well." He glared at her.
Her lips curved up slightly "I am. I don't waste my time just talking. I need you to listen to me more than ever now, Skender."
Her eyes narrowed. Her gaze hardened. "I am telling you all this so you know everything and suffer this pain all at once so we can move on. The curse is finding a way out and your destroyer is slowly taking over. Unfortunately, only the one who cast the curse can break it but we all know she is dead by now. So you have to live it which means you have to learn how to live with it without it controlling you."
"I have to live with it?" Skender was baffled. How many things did he have to live with? What were these punishments that were only adding up? "No!" He refused to continue like this. "If it wakes up, just kill me."
Fury blazed through her eyes. "I didn't waste my time on you all these years to kill you at the end. Don't let your thoughts go that way."
"Or you will take my heart? Will you be able to do so without awakening the destroyer?"
She scoffed. "I see. Don't worry. I am good at finding ways. Not only to keep you alive but also to release you from this pain. But I need your cooperation."
She was good with words. Really convincing. But he could care less now. "I need to be alone."
This time she gave up and left. Once he was alone he fell back on the bed. The ceiling was spinning and he followed it on the ride. His head spun and spun but his thoughts got nowhere.
Why was he living? All this time he tried to become a defender, endured fighting his demon every night just to find out he would become a destroyer in the end. And he would have to live with it, struggle with it constantly, maybe even hurt many people before he got there. What was the point? Why would he endure all of that? Why would he cause suffering upon himself and others? He would rather die like this than see himself become a destroyer.
He pushed himself up and left the castle. He went to the river, where he liked to spend his sorrowful days. Now, this would be his last. He would let this river take away his existence.
Knowing that he couldn't take too long or Lucrezia would prevent him, he let his claws appear. It couldn't be more painful than the pain he was in. Could it? Even if it was, at least this one would be temporary.
Taking a deep breath, he put all the strength into his hand and then stabbed himself in the chest. The pain made him fall to his knees but he continued to dig deeper. He had to too before he could lose consciousness from all the pain or lack of air. Once he found his heart, he ripped it out. His vision blurred for a moment and he shook his head to stay away. He just needed to crush his heart. Destroy it and end this pain.
Skender tried to squeeze his heart but he felt resistance. His hand refused to move. He used more strength but it still didn't work. Oh no. Maybe he was too weak and ….it was too late. Darkness covered his eyes.
When he opened his eyes again he found himself standing in the darkness, surrounded by mirrors showing his reflection. He could see himself as everyone and nowhere to could escape. He was surrounded by himself.
"Shame on you," suddenly a familiar voice spoke.
Skender turned around following the voice but was only met by his reflection.
"Who is there?" He called.
"You." The voice replied. It did sound like his voice.
Skender strained his ears, his senses heightened to detect any threat. His eyes searched like a hawk's and one of his reflections caught his attention. It looked back at him, but with a slight smirk.
With a frown, he walked closer and the man in the reflection watched him intently. "Who are you?" It came out as a whisper.
"I am you. You are me. We are us." The reflection spoke.
"You are me?" Skender repeated confused.
"Yes. But there will be no you or me if you kill us. That can't happen."
"You are the destroyer," Skender said, confused that he could see him as if it was separate from him.
His lips curved into a mysterious smile. "It is me."
"You stopped me."
"Well, I can't let us die. Abandon that thought."
"We will die anyway once you show yourself," Skender told him.
"Don't worry. I am no fool. I have no intention of dying. Besides, whoever tries to kill us, should think twice. Including you."
"What are your intentions?"
"To live. You have killed this part of you. Now I have come back for you." The destroyer leaned closer. "You need me, Skender, just like I need you. You and I are one."
"You are not part of me."
"You can deny me all you want, but it will be easier if you accept me. We will be unstoppable together. You lack balance right now. Every good needs bad."
Skender scoffed. "I don't need you. Nor do I want you."
"I think you do or I wouldn't be here. I have come right when you need me. You are no longer the old Skender. You have changed and that is partly what brought me back."
"I have changed," Skender admitted sadly.
"Yes. You have realized the truth. In this cruel world, you can't survive with a kind heart. That is why you need me."
Skender clenched his hands into fists. Even though he knew his kindness has caused him pain, he had no intention of becoming unkind. Just more reserved.
Looking at his reflection, at the destroyer, he stepped closer to the mirror. "I. Don't. Need. You."
The destroyer nodded with a downturned smile as if he was faking a disappointment. "Hmm. I see you have chosen the difficult way. I knew you would resist anyway." His eyes flamed with blue fire. "Just don't waste your time trying to get rid of me or numb me again because I will come back every time and when I do, it won't be a pleasant experience."
"Are you threatening me?"
"How could I threaten myself?" He smirked. "I am you."
He stepped out of the mirror and before Skender could step back, the destroyer walked right into him. They merged together and the force made him fall back.
With a gasp, his eyes shot open again and he found himself in his bed. Sitting up at once he looked around confused. What just happened? His heart was pounding hard in his chest.
He looked down. His shirt had blood on it but when he tore it open his chest was completely healed.
It was not a dream.