Heart of Darkness Chapter 165 - I, Me And Myself

Skender usually blocked people's thoughts unless something made him listen on purpose. But with Roxana, he didn't know what to do. He would be a fool not to listen but he also didn't want her voice in his head. Especially when she uttered his name.
No one called him Alexander. It was either Skender or his royal title. People only said King Alexander when they spoke about him, but even that was rare. To hear his other name in her mind and with her foregoing accent made it sound like something sweetly forbidden. Something that could only be done in secret.
Yes. It was done in secret. He was reading her mind, invading her privacy. Should he feel bad? She came here to steal from him after all. He was only being cautious. Besides, even when he tried not to be in her head she got into his. Her voice called to him and in all of that, he saw something from her past.
A little girl being punished in public and humiliated. He looked her way and he could see the anger in those big eyes before she looked away from him. Skender felt that anger too somewhere inside before he shook the feeling off. He had been so close to searching her mind, but he knew he wouldn't only find what he was searching for. He would see all of her and he didn't want to.
As the soldiers continued to report different concerns Skender could feel her gaze on him again. She was a quick thinker and he wasn't used to reading that kind of mind. She could observe the situation, interpret it while listening to the guard who explained to her things, and admire him all at once. The speed of thinking made her unpredictable and gave him a headache.
"Your Majesty, that is a woman right?" William leaned in to ask.
"Yes," Skender replied.
"How did she get in?"
"Zarus let her in."
"Is it not dangerous? For her."
ReadNovelFull.me
Skender glanced her way. "It is." One mistake and she could lose her head. He should make her leave before things got out of hand. This was not Lazarus's playground.
As she followed him around while he took care of some errands, she already flirted with his two guards into liking her. She complimented them and made them laugh. He shook his head. This woman was something else and he was not going to fall into her trap. And then she finally went home. What a torturous day it had been.
"You seem distressed, Your Majesty."
And it seemed like the torture didn't end with her. Skender turned to Constantine who also developed the habit of showing up in his chamber sometimes.
"I am, so I am not in the mood for you today."
"Don't be rude. You could at least offer a drink." He made himself comfortable in a chair. "You know I am not leaving you until we make someone leave this world. See I am patient."
Skender went to sit down as well. "The destroyer is back, so you should be careful to be around me."
He tensed for a moment. "You are not saying that just to scare me. Are you?"
"No, but you should be scared. He is less patient and more aggressive."
"Well, you seem to be doing fine with him. Or did you cause any trouble?"
"Not yet," Skender said still wondering what the destroyer was up to.
Skender could see that Constantine was having enough. Truth was, he wasn't being patient. He just had no choice. If he thought of threatening him with anyone, he knew he would not only awaken the destroyer but also ruin his plans. But the man was vicious. Skender knew he wasn't just sitting and waiting. He was up to something.
"I just hope that I won't have to use methods that will hurt a lot of people. Let's remain on each other's good side Skender. My patience is running out." He stood up with a sigh. "Take care of your destroyer fast." He said and then disappeared.
Everyone wanted him to take care of something. Why could people not handle their own problems?
'Where are you? I know you are in there.' Skender talked to himself again. 'No need to play hide and seek. You wanted to come out and I let you out. Now tell me what you want?'
He waited and of course, he got no reply. He rose from his seat and then he heard the voice in his head. 'You know what I want. You want it too.'
Skender froze. He finally spoke to him. 'What is it?'
'I will tell you when I see it.'
'Don't play mystery games with me.'
'I am not. You will deny it now. I will tell you when it is right in front of your eyes.'
Skender scoffed. 'Alright.'
The destroyer remained quiet.
'That is it?' Skender asked.
'Yes.'
'You want something?'
'Yes.'
'What if I don't give it to you?'
'To us.' He corrected. 'You will give it to us Skender. We want it. We crave it.'
'It seems like you don't know me. I crave nothing.'
The destroyer chuckled darkly. 'I told you, you would deny it.'
'Alright. I am denying it. What will you do?'
No reply.
'Are you there?' Skender asked.
Still no reply.
That didn't put him at ease.
Skender spent his night disturbed that he just had a whole conversation with his other side, while he was awake. What did that mean? As much as it unsettled him, he tried to remain calm. At least the destroyer wasn't causing problems. Yet. Something told him it shouldn't be this easy.
When the morning came he dragged himself to the morning meeting. It was getting a bit easier to block the demon's disturbing thoughts. As if it wasn't enough having someone in his head already.
"Are you alright?" Rayven asked him before the rest arrived.
"How is Angelica?"
His wife was now heavily pregnant with their first child. He was lucky to have one so soon. It could take demons a very long time before they conceived. Maybe it was easier because one of them was human.
"She is alright. You should come by some time. She has asked about you."
Skender nodded. Rayven had tried to be helpful but the problem was that there hasn't been anything to help him with so far. He had been numb and he just couldn't appreciate the new friendship that could have developed into something beautiful. How was he supposed to be someone's friend when he was an enemy to himself?
Besides, he needed to live to be something.
"We need to address the woman who disguised as a man in the castle," Blayze began as the rest walked inside and took their seats.
"That is not my doing. Lazarus thinks this is one of his parties," Skender said sending him a hard glare. "I want that woman gone."
Lazarus raised his brows. "That woman earned her place. I didn't even help her get inside. She is better than most men training."
"She is a thief," Blayze said.
"And you are a demon" Acheron replied.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You are free to interpret it any way you like." Acheron shrugged.
"We can't have a woman as a guard," Vitale spoke who was clear on the rules. "If she is found to be a woman it will not only be dangerous to her, but it will look bad from a security angle. "
"I will take care of it," Lazarus said.
"Remember that you won't be able to compel those who get shocked. That is why we compel first if we are going to do something that would cause shock. Did you compel everyone to think that she is a man?"
Lazarus stood up from his seat looking frustrated. He watched Vitale with one raised brow. "Vitale. I can see why you are often silent. It suits you more so please return the way you were."
"Alright, let's stop this and …."? Skender began but Lazarus cut him off.
"One thing and I will give up. Let's see what William thinks." He said turning to the boy and sitting down again.
William's eyes widened. "I…" he looked over at Skender who became curious since he couldn't read the boy's thoughts. "I am not sure."
"Come on. Trust your own judgment. You have read many books, and you have a vast knowledge and experience. If you could decide whether this woman should stay or not, what would you decide to do?"
William looked between Rayven and Skender. "I… I would let her stay," he said.
Skender blinked in surprise. He had only earlier asked him if it wouldn't be dangerous for her.
"I see young William became corrupted too," Blayze said.
"I am not corrupted, My Lord," William spoke. "And if I was it wouldn't be because of her, but because of all of you. Compelling is also a form of manipulation and you all do it. You can't say it isn't for your advantage. It is also a form of theft where you steal people's memories when you make them forget, not to speak when you take their blood without them knowing." He looked at Acheron and Lazarus. Then he turned to Blayze. "You don't mind when demons do it, My Lord. Are we speaking of sins now?"
All of them became quiet. What could they say? The boy made a clear point. But Skender didn't want Roxana gone because she was a thief. He just didn't want her anywhere near him.
"Alright. Now that you have all come with your opinions which hasn't changed mine, I am making her leave."
Lazarus shook his head with a sigh.
Skender went about the rest of his day as usual, until after lunch when Roxana joined his guards. He could hear her chatter with the guards and they usually never spoke.
"Rox! I need to speak with you."
Roxana's big eyes became even bigger as she looked at him.
"Follow me," he said.
As he took her into his chamber he could hear her wildly beating heart. She was wondering what he wanted to talk to her about and if she got herself in trouble.
"Sit down," he told her and she did as told.
Skender had decided to give her enough money to live comfortably and make her leave. He sat in front of her and she gazed at him with nervousness that she tried to hide.
"Your Majesty, how can I be of service to you?" She asked.
Serve him? This woman.
As he watched her he noticed some bruising on her jaw. She had quite the jaw that she used to make herself look a bit more masculine. Perhaps it worked for her but he could still not see her as a man. That jaw only made her face look more defined and her neck more delicate.
Skender quickly averted his gaze knowing that the neck was somewhere to avoid looking at but she already got him staring. She touched her jaw, "just a bruise from the training." She smiled.
Suddenly her stomach growled loudly and she put her hand on top of it.
"Did you not get any food?" He asked her.
"I did, Your Majesty." But some bastard took it from me, she thought.
Skender reached forward to the plate of delicacies on the table. He removed the lock and pushed the plate toward her. She looked at him surprised.
"Eat." He said.
Why was he delaying this? Just send her away!
"Your Majesty," she looked at him with that dazed look again. "You are most generous. I love delicacies." She almost teared up.
For food? They must have starved this woman.
She picked up one and took a large bite, then she sighed at the taste. So this is what wealthy people eat? So delicious, she thoughts. Taking another large bite she enjoyed herself.
"Your Majesty, this tasted really good. A poor man like myself never had such a thing." She said. "May I?" She then asked for permission to take another one.
"Have it all." He said.
The only time he could believe that she was a man was when she ate. Her mouth could fit plenty.
"Won't you have any, Your Majesty?" She asked him.
He shook his head. He was feeling full just watching her, while she still felt hungry. Her gaze fell on the fruit basket on the table. Skender gestured for her to take some. She took an apple and a banana then she glanced his way.
Why is he feeding me? Is he being kind? What does he want from me?
"Your Majesty, you wanted to speak to me." She said as she peeled the banana.
"Yes." He thought of looking into those eyes and just compelling her to leave with the money he gave her. He tried to hold her gaze and draw her in but found himself just staring.
'I want her.' The dreadful voice in his head suddenly spoke.
'No,' Skender said, a tremor of fear going down his spine.
'Yes,' the destroyer insisted.
'Why do you want her?'
'Why would I not?'
"Your Majesty?" Roxana called him, looking a little concerned. "Is everything alright?"
"Yes. You can finish your food first." He told her.
She smiled and took a bite from the banana while keeping to wonder what he wanted from her and thinking of different solutions to problems she thought could arise.
'Look at her. You want her too.'
'I don't.' Skender said. 'I am sending her away.'
'You will not! I. Want. Her.'
Skender's heart raced. What was this?
'To do what?!'
Suddenly his body stirred alive, his ice-cold blood turning hot. 'Look at her and tell me what you would want to do. That's is what I want to do as well.'
Skender looked at her, specifically at her mouth while she chewed.
'I want… to do nothing. You are making me feel this way.'
The destroyer chuckled darkly. 'You can deny it all you want, but I will have her.'
'You will not.' Skender said thinking of all the pain he went through because of a woman.
The destroyer remained quiet for a while.
'Forget that woman. She didn't belong to us. You are a demon. Those were human feelings.' The destroyer told him. 'It is time you start living like a demon.'
Like a demon? Like allowing his senses and instinct to control him. No. He had a mind to think. He was not an animal.
He heard the destroyer chuckle again. 'We are beasts. We are more animalistic than humans. Don't deny us what we hunger for.'
Roxana was done eating her banana but she didn't know what to do with the skin. She thought of putting it on the table but didn't want to get it dirty so she put it in her pocket.
"I am done, Your Majesty." She said.
'Now you make her stay and by your side.'
'That is absurd.'
'You will do it or I will.'
'You can't.'
The destroyer laughed. 'You think you have been holding me back? I have only been giving you space because you called me back. Don't anger me.'
"Leave," he told her.
Roxana was confused for a moment but then stood up quickly and bowed. "Thank you for the food, Your Majesty," she said and hurried away.
The destroyer laughed amused. 'You can't fight me.. When I want something, I have it and when I have her, you will surrender too.'