Cultivation Chat Group Chapter 210: What to do if you were in seclusion for so long that you grew hemorrhoids?

Chapter 210: What to do if you were in seclusion for so long that you grew hemorrhoids?
Translator: Stardu5t Editor: Kurisu
Senior Brother Three Realms said he wanted to send a USB flash drive containing the ❮Immovable Body of the Buddha❯, but did he casually send a person along with it?
That couldn’t be the case, right? Just as Song Shuhang was thinking about it, that black flying sword already got closer and closer.
And then… there was indeed a person on it.
He was a little bald-headed boy, roughly around 8 years old, with his mouth making shrieks with the same rhythmic tempo as Song Shuhang at that time.
This little baldy was chubby and plump, his whole face was round, and his eyes very big. He had the kind of look that people were generally fond of—the cute little fatty look that made people wish they could nibble his face whenever they see it.
But at this time, tears were gushing from the cute small monk’s eyes… due to the extreme speed of the flying sword, his mucus and saliva were flying behind him and his little face turned pale due to excessive fright.
The last time Senior White sent Song Shuhang, he had created a layer of light and glued Song Shuhang to it.
However, there was no layer of light between the small monk’s body and the surface of the flying sword. It was purely the ‘material delivering flying sword’ technique.
At this moment, the small monk was tenaciously clinging onto the flying sword with his whole body in order not to fall from the flying sword. Luckily, his monk’s robes, which were made from some unknown material, did not get torn or cut by the sharp flying sword when he was hugging onto it tightly. Hence, he did not get cut into half by the flying sword.
The only thing that was better than Song Shuhang was that his hair wouldn’t become like Shamate 1 youths’ broom-like hair or ‘exploded’ hair—for the small monk did not have any hair to begin with.
"Senior White, is my vision getting worse lately, or do I see a small monk on the flying sword?"
"Yeah, there is a small monk," Senior White nodded calmly.
"Damn, there really is a small monk on it. Didn’t Senior Brother Three Realms only send a USB flash drive? Why did he send along a small monk?" Song Shuhang pinched his chin. Suddenly, both his eyes lit up and said, "Senior White, could it be that this small monk is the ‘sword spirit’ of the flying sword?"
"No, you think too much." Senior White calmly continued, "That is just an ordinary First Stage small monk who just completed the Foundation Establishment."
"…" Song Shuhang felt his scalp swell—his subconsciousness was telling him that, perhaps, this could be another huge trouble knocking on his door.
"Swoosh!"
The flying sword gracefully landed in front of Senior White, steadily floating in midair.
The small monk finally stopped screaming.
A moment later, he reached out with his hands and wiped his tears and attempted to get up from the flying sword with both legs trembling. However, his legs were too wobbly—he tried getting up quite a number of times but failed.
"Hello, benefactors." The small monk was laying on the sword with his palms put together in a respectful greeting. Then, he turned his head towards Song Shuhang in a robot-like manner asking, "Benefactor, can you lend me a helping hand...? My legs are wobbly, I can’t get down."
Song Shuhang forced a laugh and was preparing to pick the small monk up.
Senior White suddenly started pondering seriously and started chanting the sword formula as he said, "Shuhang, that fella Three Realms most likely sent the wrong item. I feel that we should send the flying sword and the small monk back."
"Oh, oh, yeah, you’re right." Song Shuhang nodded, "But Senior, can you use this sword?"
At that time, Medicine Master was unable to activate Great Master Profound Principle’s flying sword and even needed Song Shuhang’s help in sending the flying sword back via express delivery.
Venerable White replied, "Don’t worry, this time Monk Profound Principle had already undid the lock on the flying sword. His disciple Three Realms could use it, I can also activate the flying sword and channel my spiritual energy into it and send it flying back."
"Don’t do it, no… this small monk will die!" The small monk was unable to maintain his stern look and started shouting.
At the same time, he quickly reached his hand and took out a USB flash drive from the sword hilt and said, "You must be Senior Brother Song Shuhang, this is what Senior Brother Three Realms wanted to send you! Inside, it contains the supplementary technique, ❮Immovable Body of the Buddha❯. This small monk will not tell lies, once you open it, you’ll know."
Song Shuhang took the USB flash drive and gave it to Senior White.
Senior White took it and examined it for a bit before saying, "Yeah, there isn’t a problem with the USB flash drive, it is indeed this one. As for the restriction lock, I will contact Three Realms in a while to get him to send the technique to undo it."
Song Shuhang nodded his head in silence.
"Senior Brother Shuhang, can you help me get down now?" The small monk used pitiful eyes to look at Song Shuhang with both palms joined together and a pleading facial expression.
"Yeah, but you are?" Song Shuhang asked.
"I am Guoguo, 6 years old this year. I am Abbot Profound Principle’s 78th direct disciple!" The small monk had a stern little face but his forehead could not hide his happiness. He said, "I just completed my Foundation Establishment not long ago; when I get promoted to the Second Stage I would be able to get my own dharma name! I am very awesome!"
This little fatty was actually only six years old, but his appearance was undoubtedly that of an 8-year-old’s.
"Did you sneak out?" Song Shuhang asked.
The small monk’s facial expression changed. A moment later, he clenched his teeth and looked like he was at a loss, then said, "No! I… right, Senior Brother Three Realms sent me here!"
After finishing his sentence, he put his palms together once again and continuously chanted the many names of Buddha.
"Oh." Song Shuhang nodded.
Thereafter, Song Shuhang took out his phone—he was about about to give Senior Brother Three Realms a call.
The small monk had sharp eyes, and he could see who Song Shuhang was trying to contact on his phone. His face turned white immediately, "I’m sorry! Senior Brother Shuhang, this small monk indeed sneaked out. Please do not call Senior Brother Three Realms!"
At the side, Senior White plainly said, "Monks cannot tell lies. You broke the rules."
The small monk’s face immediately looked sick.
"As expected, we have to send him back, I guess?" Senior White once again started to chant the sword formula.
The small monk panicked immediately and said, "No, don’t, I’ll die. When I was on my way here, my legs already got wobbly, if I get on another ‘document-delivering’ flying sword, I’ll surely fall off halfway through the journey, I don’t wanna go to heaven so soon!"
"Don’t worry!" When Senior White heard his concern, he immediately became full of confidence and said, "I can use the ‘person-delivering’ flying sword method to send you back. It’s just like riding on a flying sword, the layer of light will keep you glued tightly onto the flying sword, and you certainly won’t fall off. This method is really good, Shuhang tried it before! Right, Shuhang?"
Song Shuhang forced a smile and nodded, "Hehe, yes. Your safety’s guaranteed. And its speed is really fast!"
Its speed is really fast? Upon hearing this description, the small monk’s face became dark.
"Haha, I’m just messing with you," Song Shuhang laughed. He reached out with his hands and carried the small monk down from the flying sword.
At this time, his phone rang.
Song Shuhang looked at it, and it turned out Senior Brother Three Realms was calling him, hence he picked it up.
"It’s Junior Brother Shuhang, right? Has the documents-delivering flying sword arrived?" Came Senior Brother Three Realms’ voice from the phone.
Song Shuhang glanced at the stiff small monk, whose palms were joined together, at the side and laughed, "Yeah, I just received it, Senior Brother."
"Also, is there a fat little small monk on the sword, the kind that looks very mischievous?" Senior Brother Three Realm’s voice sounded rather worried.
"Yeah, there is one, he’s called Guoguo, right?" Song Shuhang replied.
Senior Brother Three Realms on the other end of the line heaved a sigh of relief and said, "That little rascal! He actually sneaked onto my documents-delivering flying sword and ran out. To think he could actually pull that off!"
Thereafter, Senior Brother narrated a few matters to Song Shuhang.
The small monk Guoguo was brought back to the temple by Great Master Profound Principle and was accepted as a disciple. It was said that he was the descendant of an old deceased friend of Great Master Profound Principle’s.
According to Faraway Wandering Temple’s rules, if a disciple had not been promoted to the Third Stage Acquired Realm, he cannot leave the temple. However, this little fella was extremely daring—the other day, he put a talisman on his body that allowed him to hide himself and then attached himself to the black iron flying sword.
No wonder when the young novice monk collected the sword he said that the black iron sword was rather heavy—at that time, the small monk had already hid and shrunk himself, sitting on top of the flying sword.
Thereafter, Senior Brother Three Realms sent the flying sword to Song Shuhang’s, along with the small monk on it.
Song Shuhang couldn’t help but look at the small monk—that little fella was just standing in a daze at the side with his hands together. By just looking at him, one might think that he was an extremely well-behaved child, the kind that wouldn’t go against the words of adults.
Nobody would have thought he would ever do something such as propping himself on top of the flying sword, riding on it to escape from the ‘Faraway Wandering Temple’.
"I have to trouble you, Little Friend Shuhang, to help me take care of him for about two to three days... a week at most. After that, a junior brother who would make his way to the area of Jiangnan would take that little junior brother back," said Senior Brother Three Realms.
Actually… Senior Brother Three Realms could ride the flying sword himself and bring that small monk back.
It was just that when he saw how much that little fella suffered to run away, his heart softened quite a bit, and he decided to let him play outside for a few days. Besides, there was Senior White next to Song Shuhang, so his safety was guaranteed.
"Taking care of him for a few days isn’t a problem, but in a few days’ time, I would be making a trip to my hometown. I am having a vacation break right now. If he doesn’t come within two to three days, you might have to trouble that senior brother to make a trip to my hometown to pick up the small monk," said Song Shuhang.
"Alright, no problem," said Senior Brother Three Realms.
"Yeah, that’s all for now." Just as Song Shuhang was about to hang up, Senior White gestured at Song Shuhang to pass the phone to him.
After receiving the phone, Senior White asked, "Three Realms, tell me the method to unlock the USB flash drive."
"Alright, Senior." Senior Brother Three Realms started to explain to Senior White the steps to unlock it.
❄️❄️❄️
Song Shuhang moved towards the small monk Guoguo.
"Senior Brother Shuhang, I’m sorry to trouble you." The small monk placed his palms together, and bowed.
"Hehe." Song Shuhang’s movements were as fast as lightning—he pinched the fat cheeks of the small monk and used his strength to pull them apart… that was exactly what he wanted to do the moment he first laid his eyes on the small monk!
It was especially interesting seeing the small monk keeping a straight face, not daring to resist.
"Little fella, when you snuck out of the Faraway Wandering Temple, was it purely because you wanted to play?" Song Shuhang asked.
"This small monk is no playful person who just wants to have fun." Guoguo kept a stern face.
"Then why did you go through all that trouble to get out for?" asked Shuhang out of curiosity.
The small monk looked slightly at a loss and clenched his teeth saying, "Senior Brother Shuhang, if you swear you won’t tell anyone, I can tell you the reason why I ran away."
"No problem, I feel that my lips are sealed pretty tightly." Song Shuhang said earnestly.
At the same time he cooperated with the small monk and made an oath.
The small monk then said softly, "Actually for the past two years I have been meditating and practicing for very long. Sometimes, when I practiced in seclusion, I’d sit on ice stones or fire rocks when meditating. I don’t know when it happened, but I started to get hemorrhoids. I heard that there are operations for hemorrhoids outside, so I secretly came out to do the operation.
Song Shuhang used his strength and rubbed his face—he felt that, recently, he had gotten rigid facial expression syndrome; he did not know what facial expression to use to express his inner feelings that were akin to ten thousand stampeding horses going at full speed…