Holding On to My Man Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Fu Junli slowly opened the book that had written the words of the poems on the outside, and the white paper was covered with the grace calligraphy.
The above was not a stunning work, but some simple recording of mood, no rhyming, no grammar, just some ordinary words.
“…I finally saw Junli today. He was still that kind of handsome and elegant. He didn’t look like cold and horror as the hearsay; but very gentle. He also hugged me, a warm embrace, too warm that I dare to speak with him. ……”
“He praised that I had beautiful eyes, a lot of people said my eyes were good-looking, but I had never been that happy. He also asked me if I liked orchids, and I said yes… In fact, I didn’t like it, I just saw his yard were full of orchids, so I guessed he liked orchids that he incensed flower fragrance. I wanted to talk to him, but I never had a chance, from the first day I came into the house and saw him, I began to think…… “
“Junli actually let me to stay in his yard to recuperate, also he asked me to live in his yard. He said I can call him Junli. Why was he so gentle to me?… No, not for me, it should be for someone named ‘Lianzhi’. On that day, he seemed to be whispering a name called Lianzhi…”
"…The weather was very nice today, Junli was in high spirits. He asked someone to put a Chinese zither in the yard. He was really a talent, unsurpassed elegance… I plucked up my courage to invite him to ensemble with my flute. I thought about this picture in my dream for countless times. However, when I blew my flute, he didn't play the zither. Junli looked at me, my eyes blurred again, I felt he was watching another person… my chest suddenly pain. I hurriedly left…”
“Who was the guy named Lianzhi? Who the hell was he? Did he look like me? why did Junli always stare at me to whisper that name, he always looked at my eyes as if looking at someone else … Was he kind and gentle to me because he treated me as Lianzhi…”
“Junli only regarded me as a shadow, the shadow of Lianzhi. If it weren't for Lianzhi, he wouldn’t look at me in his whole life. However, I was Yunxi, not Lianzhi, I was Yunxi, I liked red clothes, musk, and flute…”
“… Junli told me who Lianchi was today. He was a peerless man who was deeply attached to Junli. Junli gradually became more and more emaciated, and no regretful plying at all, and he was rather for that man only distressed as he did. Junli missed that man for eight years. “
Junli asked me: the intention of the sentence about stepped into the lovesickness gate, suffered my lovesickness pain, the eternal lovesickness was unforgettable forever, and the momently lovesickness infinity existed. Yunxi, could you understand those?…”
“I said yes, I understood, I fully understood… At the first sight of Junli in the first day I entered the house, I knew that feeling. Junli, I unexpectedly got the wicked thought about you without shame. “
…Lianzhi appeared at the palace banquet today, I saw the living Lianzhi who always showed up in Junli’s description. It was really a man with a rare elegance. No wonder why Junli missed him like …”
“The way how Junli looked at Lianzhi was so tender and tender, it was full of the feeling that I dreamed of. But, he loved Lianzhi, he loved Lianzhi, loved Lianzhi… If only he could love me so much… “
“In the carriage, Junli looked like very sad, yep, although Lianzhi was found, but he was a person who belonged to the Prince. The Prince’s status was noble, how could Junli had the opportunity to compete with the Prince for the beauty…”
“I wanted to persuade Junli to give up, but I couldn’t say it. Junli was so affectionate to Lianzhi that he had been looking for Lianzhi for eight years. If he couldn’t be with Lianzhi, would he continue to be unhappy and persistently missing Lianzhi? “
“Maybe I could help him… At the banquet, the Prince looked at me strangely, I guessed he must have a crush on me. If I came to ask the Prince, perhaps, there would be a change for Junli and Lianzhi…… “
“… I went to the palace today, I asked the Prince if he could give Lianzhi to Junli. The Prince consented me, but with the condition of I must to be his man… Then, I took off my clothes, it didn’t matter, as long as Junli could get his wish. He used to treat me as the shadow of Lianzhi, now, the real Lianzhi was back, so the shadow didn’t be needed anymore… “
“But I still couldn't help but cry, I was very hard to endure, but didn’t work. I wanted to tell him, I wasn’t the shadow of anyone, so please didn’t treat me as the shadow, didn’t look at others through me. My name was Yunxi. Junli, did you noticed that? Did you know I was Yunxi… I liked you, but you didn’t know it, and you didn’t want to know it, because you only love Lianzhi…… “
“Junli was getting more and more unhappy, it may because of Lianzhi. Junli, you can rest assured that Lianzhi would come back soon. The Prince promised me that he would give Lianzhi to you. From then on, you could stop your lovesickness… “
“Lovesickness… A red bean representing my miss inlaid in an ivory dice, the wistful yearning for you deeped into the bone marrow. Junli, I loved you didn’t know, Junli, you didn’t know, you didn’t know it… “
………
Fu Junli looked at the calligraphy on the poetry,
the smile of the young man appeared in his mind. He only felt as if a knife were being twisted in his heart, the the young man’s appearance had never been this clear in his heart.
He always thought that he was treating the young man as Lianzhi, but it wasn’t. Maybe, it was at first, but not later.
The young men wasn't the same as Lianzhi, even if they both had the same color of eyes, but the look inside wasn't the same.
However, his long-standing obsession with Lianzhi made him unable to see his inner heart clearly. Whenever he was attracted by the brilliance of the young man, he always told himself that it was because the young man had the shadow of Lianzhi.
At this moment, Lianzhi was by his side, but his mind was full of the young men.
“A red bean representing my miss inlaid in an ivory dice, the wistful yearning for you deeped into the bone marrow. I loved you but you didn’t know, Junli, you didn’t know, you didn’t know it… “
Fu Junli repeatedly recited this sentence in his mouth, like crying, like laughing, like angry, like crazy.
When the hidden true feelings surfaced, he found the word of Yunxi had already written in his heart…
………………
…………
Gu Bai had never seen Fu Junli again.
Fu Junli begged his aunt, the imperial concubine of Xian, to come to the palace to look for him, risking disrespect and looking for him in the the entire palace, but he didn’t see Fu Junli, and Ji Changyin also wouldn’t Let him see Fu Junli.
The man was as arrogant as he used to be. He simply wanted to hide him in the golden house. No one was able to see him, even for Du Haitang, the men asked someone to pick up into the palace rather than let him went out.
This kind of strong hegemony was really a dumbfounding, if others can’t stand it, but he was willing to accept it.
Because he didn't know when he would see this man again next time, if they were in the same world next time, and if they need to wait for another thousand years to meet.
As for Fu Junli, although Gu Bai had never seen he again,but Gu Bai still could hear his news.
It was said that after Fu Junli returned from the palace, he had changed, becoming more silent and more indifferent.
He didn't care about the family affairs or the business industry. He either kept himself in his study room or stood in the yard playing the flute, it was a whole day of time. And the melancholy and madness in his eyes shocked others.
But when he saw the young man named Lianzhi, he would calm down again, and gently and lovingly touching the his eyes.
However, when Lianzhi accidentally broke a jadeite flute that he carried all the time, he madly asked the servant to beat Lianzhi, and he let the servant stop until Lianzhi almost died.
From then on, Lianzhi didn't dare to touch any of his things. The few thing in his daily were red clothes, musk, and flute. He listened to Fu Junli touched his eyes and called the name of Yunxi.
Gu Bai quietly concealed Ji Changyin back to Fu house once.
He saw that Fu Junli’s study room was full of pictures, and the picture was all about a young man, that was Du Yunxi’s appearance.
Panic, or smiling, or shy, or flattering, or fascinating, each picture was endless lingering, endless thoughts.
Until this moment, he felt that the mood of the original owner finally disappeared without a trace in his chest.
Du Yunxuan's wish was to get Fu Junli's deep love, the lingering love that he would miss forever. He finally got it. From then on, Fu Junli's heart only had the word "Yunxi"…
…………
In this world, Gu Bai had stayed with Ji Changyin for a long time and didn't never left. Apart from the man's hegemony, also his willingness.
After Ji Changyin was on the throne, he had no wife and concubines in his palace. He strongly insisted that no wife and concubines in his life, even the courtiers asked him to choose a woman so he could leave a child, he still said no.
After he became the emperor for several years, he retired as the regent, so no one would ever ask him to choose a woman and to have a kid. This decision made the full courtiers shocked, this man really wanted the beauty not to the palace.
Gu Bai undeniably believed that even if he was born again, he would imprint his traces in his soul, which was enough to know his importance in his heart.
Before Ji Chang's death, Gu Bai looked at the deep love inside his eyes, and he felt that the heart had never been that painful in his chest.
At this moment, he felt that he was no longer calm. He had a heart that lived with flesh and blood.
When Ji Changyin closed his eyes, he almost had the urge to go with him, he experienced the unforgettable heart heat. He didn't know if the life he had persisted in living without heartbeat was meaningful or not.
The mysterious person said that if he was obsessed with this world, he would die.
Staring at Ji Changyu, who has no breathing, Gu Bai felt that his soul seemed to be lightening, and there was a feeling that he would dissipate at any time.
At this last moment, the surrounding space was distorted, and his soul was pulled from the body into the sky by a powerful force…
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