Stop Bothering Me, Emperor Chapter 50 - Selling Your Body

Chapter 50 - Selling Your Body

The history teacher was obviously very interested in the Great Yu part of history. There were only two pages on the golden age of Jinghong in the textbook, but she somehow spoke about it for three lessons.
In the first class, she talked about Emperor Jingyuan’s meritorious achievements; in the second, she talked about Empress Duanhui’s contributions to history; and in the third, she finally mentioned the textbook, then spun off in another direction again.
“Empress Duanhui’s original name was Song Xiao, courtesy name Junzhu…” The history teacher was reading from ‘The Historical Biography of Duanhui Empress’ in a measured tone when the classroom suddenly exploded with laughter.
When everyone heard “Song Xiao”, they all looked at Song Xiao, who was sitting next to the class monitor. Song Xiao stared at his textbook without the slightest change in expression, completely silent.
The history teacher pushed up her glasses, then remembered that there was also someone called Song Xiao in this class. “Alright, alright, be quiet.”
Immersed as she was in the story she liked, the history teacher forbade anyone from interrupting and continued with her lecture.
“Top scorer Song could read at the age of three and write poems at five, and he participated in the county examinations at ten. He overcame all difficulties to achieve success, and at the age of seventeen, took part in the imperial civil service examination in the capital and was the top scorer. If he hadn’t become the empress, he would’ve become an important official.” The history teacher sighed emotionally as she spoke. Many people in the history field had researched Duanhui Empress and discovered that he had made many contributions during his few years as an official. The few books he wrote were also very insightful, and if he had tempered himself for several more years, he would’ve become a suitable prime minister.
“He’s simply like a cheat in a game!” Qian Jiahui couldn’t help speaking up, and everyone began laughing again.
History was just like this; sometimes, it was more dramatic than any made-up story. There was exactly someone who could become the top scorer at the age of eighteen and who could captivate an eternal emperor into ignoring the traditions of his ancestors and taking him as his wife.
The history teacher had brought along a collection of historical materials that she displayed on the classroom’s projector. “Everyone must be very curious about how beautiful this great assistant minister must be to make Emperor Jingyuan disregard everything and marry him into the palace. Today, I’ll show you.”
The projector light flickered, and a gongbi painting appeared on the classroom’s large, white curtain. This was a portrait archived and displayed at the National Museum. Both the paper and brush strokes were obviously from a thousand years ago.
The person in the portrait was wearing a snow-white changpao with wide sleeves and standing beside a bamboo forest, a book in his hands. His body was tall and straight, and didn’t lose out to the green bamboo which surrounded him. As if he had noticed that someone was looking at him, his eyes were lifted slightly as he looked in the painter’s direction, a faint smile on his lips.
“My God…” The girls in class quietly gasped. They never knew that someone could be painted so beautifully in a gongbi painting. That bright and flawless charm, that incomparable temperament of a gentleman – even the painter’s uncontrollable love came out through the weathered paper in torrents.
“I want to transmigrate back, there are so many beautiful men in the ancient era, ahhh!” Hua jie couldn’t help feeling deeply moved.
“If I were the emperor, I wouldn’t be willing for such a beautiful person to be just an assistant minister of the Ministry of Revenue either! I would definitely kidnap him and sleep with him!” a boy in the classroom joked, attracting sidelong glances from the people around him.
“This portrait was dug out from Emperor Jingyuan’s Yuzhao mausoleum by a tomb raider, along with the portrait of Emperor Jingyuan that is printed in our textbook.” Saying this, the history teacher put up the complete version of Emperor Jingyuan’s portrait.
The emperor in the portrait was dressed in bright yellow and black imperial robes, with the golden imperial crown of eastern pearls on his head. His handsome features practically dazzled. In his profound eyes were the wisdom and dignity of a monarch.
“He’s too different from other emperors.” One after another, the students flipped open their history books to compare. They looked at the emperors of three consecutive dynasties, who had the exact same appearance of large beards and round bodies; the pig-like waistline and face of the emperor who opened up the country in the An Dynasty; and the wrinkled face of a past emperor of the Great Zhuo dynasty. They then looked at the portrait of Emperor Jingyuan, who was handsome to the point of dazzling them. This didn’t make sense at all!
The history teacher smiled, pleased with herself. “The reason why Emperor Jingyuan doesn’t look the same as any other emperor is because it was Empress Duanhui himself who painted this portrait.”
And that painting of the gentleman standing beside the bamboo forest was by Emperor Jingyuan; it even had the emperor’s personal seal at the top.
“These are the benefits of marrying a male empress.” The history teacher raised her chin to gesture at the portrait. “To be able to help criticize memorials, paint portraits, look after the imperial court, and instruct the imperial heir.”
Women in past eras didn’t read much. Even if the empress was a talented woman, the history books wouldn’t have used a woman’s painting of the emperor, since it would be suffused with a feminine quality.
Song Xiao was different. He had painted this portrait when he was still the assistant minister of the Ministry of Revenue, so history would naturally recognize this.
“Teacher, there’s also another benefit.” Someone raised a hand.
“What is it?” the history teacher smiled and asked.
“A male empress doesn’t menstruate, so he can serve in bed every day!” a boy said loudly.
Teenage boys were especially interested in certain parts of physiology. They kept saying “menstruation” and “sanitary pads” over and over again every day. Even if they suffered the wrath of the girls who ganged up to beat them up, they would rather die than change.
The whole class roared with laughter, while Song Xiao’s face abruptly turned completely red.
Liu Lu, who sat in front of Song Xiao, turned her head to look at him, then at Yu Tang, whose face was filled with annoyance because the noise had woken him up. She quietly said, “The people in the portraits look very similar to Yu Tang and Song Xiao…”
When she said these words, Special Class One fell silent for one moment before it exploded.
This also drew the history teacher’s attention. Only then did she scrutinize their appearances, and she was instantly stupefied.
“Emperor Jingyuan is called Yu Jintang; it’s really similar to our class monitor’s name!”
“My God, it can’t be that they’re both the reincarnations of the emperor and empress, right?!”
“How magical!”
“Quiet!” Yu Tang suddenly sat up and loudly chided them. When everyone shut their mouths, he coldly said, “Zhang Yifan, Liu An, go stand outside!”
Zhang Yifan was the one who had mentioned menstruation just now, and Liu An was the one who said he wanted to drag the assistant minister to bed. The two of them still wanted to defend themselves, but Dugu An had already stood up. He grabbed them each by the collar and dragged them out.
Song Xiao was suddenly under the strange illusion that the two of them were being dragged out to be beheaded.
Because the two troublemakers had been ‘dragged out and beheaded’, everyone else became well-behaved. The history teacher who had gotten carried away as she spoke finally came back to her senses. Because of one moment of excitement, she had failed to maintain class discipline. If the principal had seen this, it would have been over for her. She gave Yu Tang an appreciative look, and also frowned a little. This child really did look like His Majesty the emperor.
That night, a post appeared on the ‘Xiaotang Moon’ forum.
【I Think I Know Who The Previous Person Who Looked Like The Empress Is. In Passing, I Also Discovered The Reincarnated Emperor】
【OP】 Lililimao: While we were talking about the golden age of Jinghong in class today, I suddenly discovered that our class has a male student who looks very similar to His Majesty the empress, a fair, delicate and fresh youth. What’s more important is that his deskmate looks just! Like! His Majesty! The! Emperor! Ahhh, OP has perished…
Most Handsome Panda In The Universe: No photo, no proof. OP, hand over a photo, then you can perish.
【OP】 Lililimao: As a teacher, how can I leak a student’s photo? Hmph!
Huangye Wan’e: I’m already visualizing an 80,000-word yellow book about transmigrating over a thousand years to love you again.
Most Handsome Panda In The Universe: LS , kneeling to beg you to open a pit.
Spicy Rabbit Head Xiao Qingqing: LS, are you dumb ah, ‘e isn’t the master dada.
The entire forum ultimately turned into all sorts of begging for photos, stories, and flesh. And because OP became surrounded by people asking for photos, she also quietly hid herself.
Yu Tang read the forum from beginning to end. Touching his chin, he opened QQ and poked at a head that looked like a yellow bird.
Xiaoxiao Loves Tangtang: Dada, go see the forum post; won’t you consider writing a sequel?
Huangye Wanhe: Oh~ I’ll go take a look! Hello Xiaoxiao, you’re still not asleep?
Xiaoxiao Loves Tangtang: Zhen should be in bed, 88.
Huangye Wanhe: …
His Majesty the emperor expressionlessly shut down his laptop. He then received a message on his phone from Dayu Capital informing him that the first round of funds had been sent to Xinghai Entertainment.
When Song Xiao emerged from the bathroom, he saw Yu Tang sitting on a bar stool with a solemn face, one hand holding a glass of cola with ice in it while the fingers of the other tapped on a thick contract.
“What’s this?” Hair dripping wet, Song Xiao leaned over for a look.
Yu Tang shot him a distasteful glance, and snatched the towel away to rub Song Xiao’s hair. His short hair dried quickly, but stuck up all over from being rubbed, which gave him a pretty gothic look.
Song Xiao raised a hand to push his hair back, then poured himself a cup of cola.
“Xinghai Entertainment has gotten the money.” Yu Tang showed him the text message, then slipped a pen into Song Xiao’s hand. “Sign ba.”
“Huh?” Song Xiao was blank as he held the pen. He looked at the serious Yu Tang, then at the contract on the table. Clearly written in three large words was the title ‘Body Selling Contract’.
Party A was Yu Tang and Party B was Song Xiao. Like what Yu Tang had said before, it really was a lovers’ contract… It was just that even a novel wouldn’t list down all of this, right?
Clause 7: Party B must guarantee that after reaching adulthood, he must serve in bed no less than three times a week. If it is less than three times a week, it will be carried over to the following week, and all accounts must be settled by the end of the month. If they are not settled by the end of the month, the number of times will be doubled in the following month.
…
Clause 23: When showering, Party B is not allowed to close the door, to ensure that Party A can enter the bathroom at any time. If Party B does not cooperate, Party A reserves the right to break down the door and enter.
…Song Xiao looked at each and every clause – even minor details like ‘must lean on Party A’s chest and not allowed to stay at a distance while sleeping’ and ‘give Party A a massage before sleep’ were included. The most excessive one was the last clause.
Clause 98: If Party B is pregnant after the termination of the contract, he is not allowed to run away with the child, and must return to Party A’s side to get married!
With a head full of black lines, Song Xiao looked at His Majesty the emperor, who had a callous expression on his face. “Party B is male; how can he get pregnant?”
“It’s just a precaution, like the fine print in a contract; it has to be written down clearly.” Yu Tang jerked his chin, indicating for Song Xiao to not be so long-winded and to just sign it.
The so-called fine print could be found in any contract. Generally, it would clearly state that should there be a natural disaster, war, or other unavoidable events, the contract would be automatically rescinded or something. Yet this contract specified: Should there be unavoidable events such as flood, fire, earthquake, war, and so on, the contract is still in effect.
This was just too overbearing!
Dissatisfied, Song Xiao protested, but was heartlessly suppressed by the emperor, who compelled him to sign this unfair treaty.
Seeing Song Xiao write ‘Song Xiao’ on the last page of the contract, His Majesty the emperor contentedly wrote ‘Yu Tang, Yu Jintang’, the two names of Party A. This was to prevent Song Xiao from one day returning to this and refusing to acknowledge it.
Song Xiao naturally understood this guy’s intentions, and couldn’t help quirking the corner of his lips. Before he could put away the contract, he was grabbed by Yu Tang for a massage on the bed.
As a scholar, how would Song Xiao know how to give a massage? He just sat beside the emperor and reached over to casually knead his back. The thin and corded muscles of a youth felt really good to touch. Feeling his throat become a little dry, Song Xiao’s ears turned red as he slowly withdrew his hands. Assaulting the emperor’s imperial body was a major crime.
“Classes will be streamed soon; have you thought about what you want to study?” Yu Tang unfolded his limbs and grabbed his child bride who was slacking off, pulling him into his embrace.
“I’ll be studying humanities ba. My science subjects aren’t good anyway, so I can only hope to become the top scorer if I study humanities,” Song Xiao analyzed seriously.
Yu Tang knitted his eyebrows. “Then zhen will study humanities as well.”
Streaming meant the classes would be divided as well. If he studied science, he would have to be separated from Song Xiao.
Song Xiao lifted his gaze to look at him and frowned. “Your Majesty, you can’t joke about your future.”
“I’m not joking,” Yu Tang said seriously.
Song Xiao sat up and looked at him with a frown. In this life, the emperor wasn’t a prince, nor the grandson of an emperor. Without needing to worry about his life, he wasn’t as hardworking as in his last life. He was just taking things easy, and Song Xiao felt angry when he saw this,
Thinking of the great and powerful emperor in the history books, Song Xiao looked at this fellow in front of him who didn’t even listen in class and couldn’t help admonishing him. “Forgive this servant for speaking bluntly, but Your Majesty’s current family isn’t any simpler than the previous imperial household. Has the matter of the lantern festival been resolved? With so many cousins eyeing you covetously, if you don’t work hard and only think of playing, can you really protect the Anyuan princess? Protect Lin’r?”
He had originally been playing around, but was suddenly scolded by his wife. The emperor smacked his lips and muttered, “Zhen… understands.”
The emperor couldn’t get angry at a subject’s advice, let alone that of his family’s empress.
When Song Xiao finished speaking, he glared at Yu Tang, then flipped over and lay down, seething. Not long after, a warm body pressed against him.
“I might have to go to the US for college. At that time, you must come with me.” Yu Tang placed his chin on Song Xiao’s head and spoke lazily.
Go abroad? Song Xiao was taken aback. Yu Tang had brought it up before, telling him about the benefits of studying abroad. But going abroad required a lot of money. He heard that the annual tuition fees were very expensive. In addition, costs were high there, so a lot of money was needed for food and lodging as well. His family’s entertainment troupe was going to collapse soon, and his father owed Yu Tang’s family such a huge debt. Where would there be money to enable him to study abroad?
Song Xiao sighed silently and secretly gripped the hands pressed over his waist.
Yet Yu Tang took it as agreement. He took a deep, satisfied breath and gathered his family’s child bride into his embrace. Relieved, he made the decision to study the science course.
Little Theater
Pastor Xiao An: Mr. Fish, from now on, for richer or poorer, will you love and care for him?
Fish Tang: I’m willing.
Pastor Xiao An: Mr. Song, from now on, for richer or poorer, will you love him, and open your bathroom and legs wide? Even if you’re pregnant, you won’t find another deeply affectionate man who will fit you so well. Will you sincerely be with this man for the rest of your life?
Xiaoxiao: …Who wrote this vow?
Fish Tang: Just say ‘you’re willing’, don’t care about it so much
Xiaoxiao: …