The Immortal Emperor Returns Chapter 303 - Nonsense

Chapter 303 Nonsense

“How’s your injury, Zang Fengling?”
Chu Xun asked with a devious grin on his face.
That almost had Zang Fengling boiling as he realized Chu Xun was teasing him on purpose. I’m talking to Yan Wushuang, why should I bother about you?!
He ignored Chu Xun and pretended to not hear him.
Hardly deterred, Chu Xun brazenly scowled at Zang Fengling’s men, “You buffoons! How could you allow your Master Fengling to walk in the snow when he’s injured! Is this how you show him your loyalty?! What happens if his injuries get worse? How do you expect to explain to your master about this?”
Huh?!
That left Zang Fengling’s men dumbstruck with speechlessness as they could find nothing to retort.
“Thank you for your concern,” Zang Fengling growled through gritted teeth bitterly, “My wounds are fully healed.”
“Goddamn,” Chu Xun gasped with pretentious surprise, “You’re as strong as an ox, aren’t you? No wonder you always bring a pair of women wherever you go.”
Zang Fengling almost felt his mouth flooding with blood in frustration. What do you mean by ‘ox’?! You compare me with a beast?! And those girls are my slaves, they are mine to despoil!
He swore to himself that he needed to ignore Chu Xun lest one day he might die of irritation.
He turned his attention back to Yan Wushuang, “So, Yan, let’s go in together, what do you think?”
It was a request Yan Wushuang found it extremely hard to oblige. Zang Fengling must be up to no good for wanting to tag along, and knowing such. He stole a furtive glance at Chu Xun.
“I’d say it’s fine. It’s rare for one as illustrious as the great Master Fengling to accompany us on this picnic trip, so I say we should welcome him,” said Chu Xun.
“Very well. Since you asked, so be it then, Zang,” agreed Yan Wushuang.
Inside his mind, Zang Fengling has only the deepest loathing for Yan Wushuang. You, a great scion of the powerful Yan Family and a prodigy of similar renown to mine, asking a country fool for advice? What a bloody disgrace.
And so two parties of men, each harboring conflicting and ill intents for each other, embarked together on a thrilling journey of wonders.
On the contrary, Zang Fengling felt not so much as thrilled as he was enraged.
After almost a half-hour, a colossal hog the size of a locomotive leaped out of nowhere, baring its tusks menacingly with its fur standing on end.
It came out, clearly expecting not to find so many people staring at it and this somehow frightened enough for it to wheel around and flee.
Only, before it could scarper far enough, Chu Xun caught up to it and smashed its skull, killing it easily. The hog must have just freshly turned a Beast Lord and was attracted here by the ancient ruins, thinking it could build up a horde of its own, only to be killed before any of its aspiration could come into fruition.
Having tasted the snake meat earlier, Yan Wushuang’s four Human King retainers licked their lips with glee. Without being told to, they busied themselves about – starting a fire, carving up the hog’s carcass, peeling off its fur and skinning it before cleaning it with utmost method.
Sizzle!
Dripping fat juices from the meat of the hog on the spit trickled into the fire, exuding more sweet fragrance into the air and tantalizing everyone’s appetite.
Meanwhile, Zang Fengling and his retinue could hardly believe what they were seeing. Everyone in Yan Wushuang’s retinue moved with such adroit skillfulness like clockwork, that one might really wonder if they were indeed here for a barbecue picnic.
Chu Xun and his companions sat on the ground and the four legs of the hog’s carcass, each almost as thick as a granite pillar, were all divided into seven smaller portions, the smaller of which weighed at least dozens of kilograms.
This time, even the purple-haired woman joined in the feast.
Looking at them gnawing and tearing at their meat voraciously made a pang of hunger reared its head inside Zang Fengling as well.
“Quit standing there, Zang,” Chu Xun mumbled through a mouth filled with food, “Come have some too; there’s so much that we can hardly finish it.”
Balked by their pride as Human Kings, none of them moved an inch.
Watching each other sheepishly was all they could manage to accomplish.
“Such beautiful scenery just makes me want to recite some poetry,” muttered Chu Xun, then he began screeching, “Such paradise we come exploring; Until some hogs came; Which we slew and began roasting; With dogs watching while we’re eating; They gawked so badly, their whites showing...”
“Heaven Almighty, just shuddup!” shrieked the purple-haired woman. The song was so bad that she could no longer endure the verbal torment.
“What are you screaming for?” scowled Chu Xun, “You’re spoiling the mood!” He turned to Yan Wushuang, wearing a dissatisfied frown and nudged him, “Come on, what do you think about my poetry, Yan?”
As if verbal trash like this could qualify as poetry, Yan Wushuang’s four Human Kings thought quietly. Nevertheless, the sarcastic jibes intended for Zang Fengling remained every bit as entertaining to them as it was to Chu Xun himself.
The usually-dour Yan Wushuang could hardly prevent the corners of his lips from twitching. Still, he managed to squeeze a smile and said, “I applaud your savvy in poetry, Liu. That was a good song.”
“You flatter me. Well, I might be just a tad better than Li Bai or Du Fu,” uttered Chu Xun unashamedly.
At the same time, Zang Fengling and his retinue were seething with suppressed anger. How dare he compared us to dogs?! And yet he even equated himself to the likes of Li Bai and Du Fu, whose legends were undisputedly leagues beyond his!
“So, what about you, Master Zang?” Chu Xun turned around to address Zang Fengling, “What do you think of my song? I’m sure you can feel the artistic aura permeating my very being, just like how famous calligraphers and scholars often do!”
Shameless bastard, Zang Fengling thought quietly with disgust. With a wordless snort, he ordered his men to carve him some meat off the hog on the spit.
His Human Kings retainers hurried around to prepare the grill and it took almost a half-day before the meat was finally rolling on a skewer over the fire.
“Well, I’ve had my fill,” Chu Xun got up and stretched himself, satisfied.
Yan Wushuang and his men got up one by one too.
“Enjoy your food, Master Zang. We’d be taking a walk nearby to soothe our full stomachs,” grinned Chu Xun.
Zang Fengling’s face fell as dark as the bottom of a pot. Their meat had just barely began cooking! And since when Human Kings needed to walk to alleviate stomach discomforts?!
If Chu Xun caught the gist of his expression, he did not show it; instead, he began strolling casually deeper into the glen.
“We’d be taking a move then, Master Zang. Enjoy your food. The hog meat tastes really good.”
Zang Fengling watched with his boiling rage finally erupting in full force after Chu Xun and his companions were out of sight, and kicked a slab of hog meat ready for the spit into the distance.
“What should we do now, Master Fengling?”
“Follow them. Yan Wushuang knows more about the ancient ruins than I do.”
And they rushed to shadow behind Chu Xun and his companions.
As they pressed deeper, they encountered more Beast Lord carcasses and corpses of dead men lying around everywhere.
Those who have pushed on before them must have gone through Hell.
“Gods, Yan,” Chu Xun said suddenly, “I’m struck with inspiration. I need to sing another song!”
“No, please, Liu. Spare us the agony. If you don’t mind me saying so, you have not an ounce of talent in poetry. Please, don’t, or you might attract some unknown monsters here instead,” the notion of Chu Xun singing another poem terrified Yan Wushuang so greatly that he felt his scalp going prickly numb.
Chu Xun squinted at him, visibly annoyed. “You know nothing about art, do you!? You were just praising my song not long ago? And I discovered that you can be just as irascible sometimes.”
“I’m only telling the truth,” countered Yan Wushuang, “Ask the others if you won’t listen to me. You really lack talent in this department.”
Behind him, the four Human King retainers bobbed their heads eagerly, hoping to be spared the auditory torment.
“Damn you all. What a disgrace. Do you know? At my place, I’m the best scholar there is! I was hailed as a prodigy in scholarly arts, my skill in martial arts, and my ability to remain clear-headed at all times!”
“Wow, that’s really remarkable,” Yan Wushuang chuckled, “Although I daresay that in your place, you’re the only one to describe yourself such.”
Chu Xun raised a hand in jest, doing a mock gesture of hitting Yan Wushuang who playfully hopped aside to avoid him. “Yan Wushuang, and here I was thinking that you’re nothing but a dour and stern fellow.”
“My sentiments exactly, my friend,” responded Yan Wushuang.𝙛𝓇𝑒𝗲𝒘e𝘣𝓷𝘰ѵe𝚕. com
As they walked, the two men bickered like children while their friendship thickened.
In fact, Yan Wushuang has never been any more sincere in wanting to be friends with Chu Xun, hence his quips to keep up with Chu Xun’s antics, and Chu Xun, now in the guise of Liu Tianhe, needed to maintain this image as well to prevent from being exposed.
“There are people ahead,” warned the purple-haired woman again. She has been silent, speaking only when needed to.
“It seems everyone has finally realized the truth and refuses to be fodder,” teased Chu Xun.
“Weren’t we?” muttered Yan Wushuang, referring to their slaying of the giant yeti and the Sanguisugal Tree earlier.
“You were. Not me. Count yourself lucky for having me to stop you from continuing to be the Fodder of the Day here.”
“...” Yan Wushuang could really find no words to retort.
Chu Xun looked to the front and bellowed loudly, “WHO GOES THERE IN FRONT? IS THIS AN AMBUSH?”
Yan Wushuang groaned, are you trying to make friends, or are you actually bent on making enemies?
Shadows stirred from behind the boulder and more than ten figures emerged. It was the contingent of the Chamber of Purple Garments. Their faces were a pallid-white of death and their lips a macabre flush of purple. One might guess that these acolytes must have been dabbling in some unknown hellish devilry, and this hideous appearance was part of the result.
“Master Yan,” said the leader of the party, the aura radiating from his very self was just as powerful as Yan Wushuang’s.
Naturally, only powerful beings could dare come to such a perilous quest for prize.
“The Chamber of Purple Garments,” noted Yan Wushuang placidly.
“That’s strange,” said the leader, “You were said to have arrived first. What has caused to be delayed, I wonder?” He had finally caught on Chu Xun’s ruse at last, but not without great price which had cost the lives several of his best men.
Yan Wushuang, now back to his surly self, muttered, “You’re the odd one. Do you mean to say that you’ve had someone following my every move?”
“You jest, Master Yan,” said the leader with his tone hardly rising, “It was by a stroke of luck that one of my men saw you leaving the city in such snow. And since our destination is somewhere nearby, I thought I’d drop in to have a look.”‘
“I see,” Yan Wushuang cast a glance at all of the Chamber’s members, “So you’re all here for a picnic and sightseeing too?”
“Sightseeing?” blurted the leader, dumbstruck.
“Of course! Someone told me about the beautiful sceneries here and so here we are, for a barbecue picnic to enjoy the view here. It was just an impromptu visit to enjoy the sights of Nature and relax ourselves.”
Behind him, his Human Kings retainer gawked with their jaws hanging wide. Heavens Almighty, they groaned. Master Wushuang has been tainted by Liu Tianhe’s antics, and now like him, he’s sprouting nonsense without even batting an eyelid!
The men of the Chamber first looked flustered and incredulous, before the surprise looks quickly faded into one of rage.
“Are you having a go at us, Master Yan?” growled the leader darkly.
“How could I?” Yan Wushuang waved a hand, “Ask Zang Fengling. He’s just behind us. We met just moments ago and we just had some barbecue hog meat together.”
Zang Fengling’s just behind?! The leader’s eyes flashed with hesitation. Clasping his hands in salute, he said, “I see. If that’s the case, I shall seek to no longer disturb you on your leisure trip. Please go on without us. I’m sure the sights ahead would be more beautiful.”
He only just finished, when he noticed Chu Xun beside Yan Wushuang for the first time. But the former was staring intently at him as if he had just discovered a rare specimen.
He quickly examined his own clothes and found nothing wrong.
“You there, is there anything wrong with me?”
Chu Xun stepped closer to him, and his eyes opened wide blankly for several seconds until he finally said, “From where did you get your lipstick?”
Huh?!
That stunned every one of the Chamber.
In fact, aside from the members of the Chamber, even Yan Wushuang and the others were startled beyond words themselves.
One must admit that Chu Xun really had talent in provoking fire.
Whoever this was, this fool must be taking me for a fool, thought the leader. Anyone with half a brain could see that the shade on their lips was not lipstick!
“What’s wrong?” Chu Xun blabbered as if completely oblivious that he was mistaken, “How much did this lipstick cost you? I must get one for my Junior Sister.”
Anger boiled in the leader’s eyes and even the purple-haired woman was gnashing her teeth.
“But truth be told, the color doesn’t suit you. It’s awfully ugly for men to be using lipstick, you know?”