Life, Once Again! Chapter 217

Chapter 217
Chapter 217

‘Reining it in, huh . ’
When was the last time Maru was pushed to the extremes of his emotions? He couldn’t remember the last time he got truly mad or emotional in life . Even though he cut out most of his anger from his life since he knew it does more harm than good, he’s never thought himself logical . This was just an attitude in the 45 years he previously lived, the ability to look at a situation and call it as he sees it .
He had no intentions of denying that he was a calculating person . Some people believed calculating people to be cold, Maru wasn’t one of them . He thought being calculating was just another facet of human nature . So, trying to decide if that aspect of a person made them human or not felt foolish to him .
He recalled how emotional he used to be . He went on a trip without his phone without warning and he made big life decisions without giving it much thought . He started his road manager job without much thought . As a result, he became a bus driver . One that left his poor wife and daughter alone by dying . He didn’t think he lived a bad or unhappy life, he actually thought he was quite blessed . Just… he wished to be able to enjoy that blessing just a little bit more .
“Thank you for the advice, but I don’t think it’d be very useful to me,” he told Joohyun .
Joohyun raised her head to look at him with narrowed eyes, she was clearly waiting for him to say more .
“I definitely don’t know much about acting . I’m studying it, but all I’ve learned is that it’s very difficult . I still look incredibly awkward following actors on the screen, this is why I’m learning right now . I heard a lot of things . Try this, try that . I didn’t know a lot, so I tried all of it . ”
Joohyun turned around fully to face him, Maru took it as a sign to continue .
“I got comments to rein myself in as well . I do get very riled up on stage . I don’t have tunnel vision nor do I stutter, thankfully . I actually become better at being aware of the audience than usual . It felt odd to be told to rein myself in in that situation, but I did it anyway . Because I was only a beginner . ”
“And then?”
“When I suppressed my emotions, I was able to see my companions next to me with clarity . It felt like my vision was pulled back from the audience to the stage . My excitement from before was gone, but I became able to observe the play with a cool head . After that experience, I realized that the instructor’s advice wasn’t wrong . ”’
“But holding your emotions back means that you can’t show off your potential as much . Do you think actors get to be on stage whenever they want? Countless actors disappear without before they can even flourish their talent . They need to show off everything they have if they even want a shot at succeeding . You’re getting ready to jump into an industry like that . ”
“That’s true . ”
“So that’s why you need to express all of your . . . ”
Maru shook his head, Joohyun looked at him annoyedly .
“I’d rather not challenge myself without the utmost confidence that I’ll come out on top . I’d like to step forward slowly and surely . I’m confident that I’ll eventually get to express all of my emotions with a cool head in the future that way . ”
“You’re not wrong, but I told you . That’s not easy, especially not at your age . How many incredibly famous actors do you think are in their teens, let alone their twenties? There are probably a few around the world, but they’re far and few in between . We say people like that are blessed, they’re the real geniuses . But disregarding them… Most famous actors in Korea are in their thirties, forties . They only truly reach the limelight in their fifties . Get what I’m saying?”
“Acting is proportionate to life experiences?”
“That’s right . Acting, in the end, is about expressing yourself . That requires a lot of seeing and thinking . That’s why age is scary . Age is absolute . You can’t make up for that with talent . At least, not in acting . Even famous young actors lose their light in front of side actors who worked for decades, that’s what age brings to acting . You can’t get life experiences from books . That’s why you need to purge your emotions as fast as you can . So that you can have a weapon to face those that already matured . ”
Maru stared directly at Joohyun .
“Was that what you did, senior?”
“I was like an intern at a theater company until I was twenty four . I was a student that believed I’d succeed so long as I tried hard, but I never got a chance even after several years of learning . I even kicked away a few chances granted to me because I didn’t know how to handle it . That’s when I got into a short TV drama and that’s when I thought to myself that I can’t improve with just practice . So I just left everything to my emotions instead . People insulted me at first because I stood out too much for a side character . It was supposed to be a short scene, but I acted as if my life depended on it . ”
“So, did it work?”
“I got cast for the next short TV drama the director did, he told me to go wild . That’s when I realized, I can always control my emotions and hone my talent after purging everything inside me . Only after I learned how much I can smile and cry could I really begin to learn to improve myself . ”
Joohyun pulled out a hair tie and tied her purple hair behind her, she looked completely different with a simple change . All of a sudden, she looked more like a wild horse than a teasing woman . This is probably what she’s normally like .
“I’m not saying you’re wrong . But it’d take too much time for you to shine with that method . Some people are better at gaining experiences than others, but the amount of experience you can gain in a given time frame is limited . If you’re planning on ending acting as a hobby, then… I suppose it doesn’t matter . But if you want to get into the industry, you better show everything you got . Even if you have to ignore someone else’s command . ”
She was full of confidence . After all, she had her entire life to back up her words . Words from people like her were always filled with life and power, they were the type of people who could persuade people in a flash .
Maru shook his head . She was right, at least in her case . Maybe her advice applied to him as well, maybe he might get a different result if he purged his emotions . A new path might open up in front of him, one he didn’t think about before .
“Your words definitely make sense . Maybe I’d be able to try something new if I followed it, whether it be good or bad . Isn’t that right?”
“Right . That’s exactly it . You’ll find several instances in life when you have to take the chance given to you . In your case, that would be the movie . This audition . Teacher has a ton of expectations for you, this is a side character that’s as important as the main character . How many chances like this do you think you’ll ever get in your life? He didn’t tell me this directly, but during a meal, he told me he had someone in mind for the delinquent role . Many people know that someone is you . You’ll be able to learn a ton if you come in . ”
“And I’d need to adopt a new style of acting to be able to take advantage of that chance?”
“When you’re desperate, you need to take a risk . You can’t get an edge over everyone else by doing the same thing as them . Teacher won’t give you extra points just because he likes you . If you don’t get in his eye during the audition, he might just forget about you forever . This is how important this is . ”
Bring a change to his style . Go against the advice that Miso, Geunsoo, and Ganghwan has given him . Let his emotions overtake reason . He understood what Joohyun wanted, it was sensible advice .
But was that something that Maru would do? Maru took a step back with a smile .
“Thank you for your advice . ”
That was the end of that, he already got his answer .
“Looks like you’re not interested . ”
“Right . I’m satisfied as is . I actually found a reason to keep going down this path thanks to you . ”
Joohyun smiled oddly .
“If you understood me right, you should know that this is a critical moment for you . ”
“You are right . There are many people that have their eyes on me on this audition . I know that if I get a role here, I can advance very quickly into the industry . That’s why I should be more careful . I need to prepare and hone my skills instead of taking a risk . ”
“There are rumors all over the place about this movie already . How many people do you think are going to come to the auditions? Do you think you can beat veterans with decades of experience under their belt? With just a single year of experience?”
“In some ways, yes . I might even be better than them if what you said about life experiences was correct . ”
“ . . . Are you sure you heard me right?”
“Loud and clear . ”
Joohyun shrugged after a brief moment of confusion .
“That’s odd . I can tell you’re not being confident for no reason . You really think you have something here . ”
She tapped her lips for a second before shaking her head .
“Well, I’m sure you’ll do well . But don’t you dare regret your decision later down the line . The chance you missed won’t come back no matter how much you regret . ”
“No need to worry . I’m very good at handling regret . I make it so that I wouldn’t have any in the first place, all thanks to the fact that I’m a calculating person . I take what I’m confident of being able to get . It might not be fun, but so what? I was just born like this . I’ve taken many risks so far already, with acting and relationships alike . I’d like solid results at this point in life . ”
“I don’t think you’re at an age where you should worry about that yet . ”
“You might be surprised, but I’m a lot older than I actually look . ”
“Hah, funny joke . Anyway, I’m of the opinion that you should break your shell before you become another cog in the machine . The younger you are when you do it, the better . ”
“But if your sense of self is already well-established, there is no need to breakthrough . I’m not brave enough to stake all of my worth in a single bet, I love playing it safe . Even when crossing a stone bridge, I have to smack each brick in front of me at least three times . ”
“What if you fall behind everyone else?”
“That’s completely fine, life isn’t a short track race . I’ll catch up eventually, so long as I don’t trip and fall along the way . I might find my own tricks and start moving ahead . More so than that, I’m me and you’re you . We all have our own ways of doing things . ”
Maru moved solely based on evidence and proven methods, he never broke this rule even when he took risks . That was the method he came up with after his forty-five years of living . He no longer had the passion and courage of youth left inside him, but he had the maturity at the very least .
More so than that, he’s had an incredible experience that no one else had . The fact that he looked death in the eye and came back alive . That moment, Han Maru as a person became someone ‘more’ . He could look at himself objectively . And because of it, he looked a lot colder to people he didn’t really care about . He was fine with that because that was yet another aspect that characterized him as “Han Maru” .
“You… you’re an interesting kid . ”
“Not really . ”
“Fine . If you’re that confident, prove it to me . Good luck . ”
Joohyun stepped back down coolly as if she had finished business here . After a few seconds though, she ran back upstairs to Maru with a grin .
“Take good care of Bangjoo!”
“Ah, yes . ”
“I’ll kill you if you bully him . ”
“Uh, right . ”
“Take care of that Jiyoon kid quickly as well . ”
“I understand . ”
“See you next time! Buh-bye!”
Joohyun ran down with a whistle . What an odd woman .
‘45 years . That would surely become a great weapon for me . ’
If one’s ability in acting directly correlated with their life experiences… Fine . He’s experienced all life had to offer so far . Sweet, sour, salty, spicy, bitter . He’s tasted it all . Meaning, there was no need for him to change his acting style . While others gathered experience, he only needed to hone himself .
‘I suppose there is a need to empty my emotions though . To get myself to the bottom of my emotions, as she put it . ’
Maru smiled quietly .