Joy of Life Chapter 337

Chapter 337: Pledging Loyalty And Fan Xian’s Facade and Shadow
Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio
That night, the quiet in Shazhou carried a trace of nervousness. The usually lively and boisterous night streets were strangely quiet. Everyone knew that something had happened, but no one knew exactly what it was.
To the east of the gambling dens were a few of Shazhou’s largest and most comfortable inns. Wealthy guests from the North and South liked to book these inns.
Although Fan Xian was a simple second generation, he did not have the attitude of a second generation. His lifestyle was not plain; it was simple. He had only booked the topmost, quietest floor.
Xia Qifei stood conscientiously in the corner of the room. In front of Fan Xian, he carefully stowed away the token and signed his name on the document, then pressed on to it. He then respectfully handed over a leather satchel.
Fan Xian glanced at the document, nodded and smiled. “Sir Xia, now we are one family.”
Xia Qifei was crying in his heart. Having signed this document, naturally he was family with the young official in front of him. Only, there were all kinds of people in this family. While the other party was a young master, he was more like a bought slave.
It was clear that he probably wouldn’t have a chance in this lifetime to reveal the disgust in his heart. A fierce man of the jianghu could adapt to circumstances. Since he had chosen this path, he would walk it properly. Thus he tidied his clothing and took a step forward before falling forward into a kowtow. “Lower official Xia…Ming Qingcheng greets you, sir.”
He finished his words, but his body didn’t bow down as a pair of hands had already firmly helped him up. Fan Xian looked at him. “No matter how you view me, I am not strict on the superficial things. Since you have entered this Council—even though we are officials of the court and divided by our ranks—we must be loyal brothers.”
Xia Qifei paused slightly.
Fan Xian continued. “You are probably like everyone else and have this or that prejudices about the Overwatch Council, but you are not clear about the relationship of the internal department.”
He paused for a bit and then smiled. “To put it less nicely, we are like a pack of wolves raised by the court, but there are many lions and tigers out there. If we want to survive to work for the court and interests of the common people, then we cannot care about the filth they say. What is important is that we are internally united. The wolf pack may have a leader, but the internal department will not have internal strife.”
Xia Qifei furrowed his brows and replied, “I understand.”
“You don’t understand.” Fan Xian told him directly. “I know these words are empty and hollow, but we’ll go slowly. This kind of feeling you will eventually experience in the Council in the future…yes, I understand you, after all you are the extraordinary hero of a generation. Earlier I purposely suppressed you in the branch. I suspect you’re not feeling good about that.”
Xia Qifei’s heart stuttered, yet Fan Xian’s expression was soft and he laughed aloud. “You were a commoner and I was an official, naturally there was a divide…but now your identity is different.”
Xia Qifei didn’t know what to say, so he remained fearfully silent.
“Commoners are foolish.” Fan Xian drew his brows together. “That is why you can use them and look after them, but you cannot trust them. You cannot let them come to the wrong conclusions, thinking they can climb on top of you. Thus, as an official of the Overwatch Council, although we stand on the side of the Emperor and common people when inspecting governance, we can only trust the Emperor. Commoners. It is enough for the Overwatch Council to maintain only sufficient authority and pressure.”
“Of course, these are only my thoughts.” Fan Xian lightly rolled his sleeve. “They may not be right.”
People often forget that after that rainy night, Fan Xian’s heart had chilled. Later, during his long stay in Jingdou, his heart had grown colder and colder. He had long accepted Uncle Wu Zhu’s words as an obvious truth of the outside world—there is no one you can trust in the world. Besides the individual people who could not be trusted, it included the foolish commoners who got by in the Qing Kingdom and the Emperor. But Fan Xian would never utter this thought.
Other than Fan and Xia in the room, there was only Su Wenmao of the Qinian unit.
Fan Xian pointed at Su Wenmao and said, “I transferred Sir Su from the First Bureau. I think you don’t have any desire to work close to me. If you want to enter the capital in the future, it is not impossible.”
Xia Qifei thought being a landlord in Jiangnan would be much better than entering the capital, but he sincerely replied, “I rely on your promotion.”
Fan Xian shook his head. “Don’t say false words. But, it is true that the Council can help you do many things, so don’t resent me. We all mutually use other. Sir Su was your witness to entering the Council today. In the future, if you have any contact or matters that need to be passed up, you should contact Sir Su. In a moment you two can talk for a bit.”
He spoke to Su Wenmao again. “Have Sir Xia quickly become familiar with the handbook and regulations.”
Su Wenmao acknowledged the order in a low voice with a salute. The two people were aware that Commissioner Fan had finished giving orders, so they saluted again and left the room.
The Third Prince’s small body drifted out of the inner suite like a spirit. He approached Fan Xian and quietly asked, “Teacher, is this how the Overwatch Council recruits people?”
“Special measures for special cases.” Fan Xian politely invited the Third Prince to sit, “What Your Highness heard earlier is not often seen in the Council. Usually when the Overwatch Council recruits, the person is inspected for a long time. We commonly pick people from the troops in each province. This was a habit left from before the first time His Majesty went on a Northern Expedition, when he was organizing the Overwatch Council.”
“Of course, later we paid special attention to the failed examinees of each years’ spring examination. After all, if an inspector cannot even read, then there is nothing to be done. All talented individuals who have just lost hope in the imperial examinations are common targets of the Overwatch Council. However the Council does not like to recruit people who are already quite powerful or have influential people behind them.”
The Third Prince furrowed his brows. “Xia Qifei is the head boss of the Jiangnan water bandits.”
“That’s why it’s a special case,” Fan Xian explained patiently. “Usually, someone like Xia Qifei would, at most, be allowed to move in the outer circles of Overwatch Council business. To allow him to take the position of inspector is rare.”
“Why is it a special case?” The Third Prince seemed particularly interested and keen on this topic.
This time Fan Xian did not scold him for concerning himself with the minutiae as a prince. “Because this time His Majesty has ordered me to Jiangnan to clean up the palace treasury, and I will run into a slew of wealthy merchants. Thus, the Overwatch Council needed to find someone local to Jiangnan, and it had to be someone who we could control absolutely.”
“Why?” The Third Prince was very confused. Although he was cruel and ruthless at a young age, his princely identity meant that other than the brutal scolding Fan Xian had given because of the Baoyue Brothel incident, he had never met any frustrations. Thus, he could not imagine the complexity and difficulties of the politics in Jiangnan.
Fan Xian glanced at him and couldn’t help finding the child’s serious gaze a little funny, but he also felt a deep admiration for Yi Guiping deep in the palace. How had such a charmingly naïve mother raise such a ferocious prince who was hardhearted, studious, and willing to bend? The mother was also probably not so simple.
“Jiangnan has been run by Xinyang for too long.” Fan Xian did not avoid mentioning the Eldest Princess in front of him. “After 10 years, this place has already been become a monolithic bloc. There are still people who are enemies of the Cui and Xia families, but each party always has inextricable interests, and no one wants the situation to change too much. Change will bring losses, and these people are not willing to see that.”
“Coming all the way from Jingdou, we are a massive variable to them. When the outside attacks, even if the bloc has cracks, it will temporarily form one unit to battle the outside enemy together. Thus, we need a piece of sand that is already within the bloc and to have this irritant become larger and larger until it finally cracks the bloc so that it will be difficult for it to resume its old appearance.”
The Third Prince furrowed his brows. “The piece of sand might not have this ability. If we help him, how is that different than coming forward ourselves?”
“The important part is that it is not convenient for us to come forward.” Fan Xian had a bit of a headache and sighed. “Your Highness does not know how deeply ingrained the concept of territory is in this country. I can have Xiao Shi come and open a branch of the Baoyue Brothel. I can have Danbo Bookstores all over Suzhou. Once it touches the fundamental interests of the Jiangnan people, it will probably cause a group attack.”
“Group? What people would be involved?”
“I’ve killed a few young masters from Jiangnan’s wealthiest merchant family, the Ming family. There are a few salt merchants who have a deep hatred of me and officials of various ranks that have long been fed by the Eldest Princess, starting from the second-level Ling Admiral on the Jiangnan Road all the way up to the old soldiers watching the gates in Suzhou.”
Fan Xian smiled and counted off on his fingers like he was making a game. “The shopkeepers of various levels in the palace treasury, the prostitutes on the street corners, the old man who makes a living as a performer in front of the temple…as long as they are Jiangnan people, they will not like me coming to criticize or give orders.”
The Third Prince paused slightly then said ruthlessly, “They can attack if they like, I…teacher is not afraid of them!”
“It’s not that I am afraid.” Fan Xian smiled easily. “But, how does that saying go? The law does not punish the majority…if Jiangnan truly became chaotic, those people of all walks of life have plenty of ways for the people’s resentment to be heard. When the people have no means of livelihood…if it really came to this, and the court debates this issue, do you think they would chop tens of thousands of heads to boost my courage or would they force my resignation to appease the hearts of the Jiangnan people?”
The Third Prince paused for a while and thought, given father’s personality, you’ll probably not suffer much at all, but he would transfer you out of the capital. He felt very dispirited about a proper teacher of the Third Prince still having to suffer such oppression.
Fan Xian seemed to guess what he was thinking and laughed out loud. “Of course, things wouldn’t be that bad. His Majesty knows the Overwatch Council is very dangerous, but His Majesty cannot be blindly gentle. I’m just estimating these things to be more difficult.” His smiled gradually faded, and he calmly said, “If killing is needed to set up power, then I don’t mind carrying this notoriety.”
The Third Prince shook his head. If too many people were really killed, then it’s always going to be difficult to clean up. If the Imperial Censorate in Jingdou kicks up another fuss, could his father really flog them all to death? Father was an Emperor set on having his name recorded in the annals of history.
Why not have that newly recruited Xia Qifei go do the killing? His eyes lit up, but he didn’t dare to tell his idea from his flash of inspiration to his teacher. He did not know that his seemingly warm teacher was actually ruthless and had already made such low arrangements.
“Ahem, ahem.” He coughed a couple of times. “What about the sailors? The garrison of the sailors actually colluded mutually with the head of the water bandits. How will the Overwatch Council investigate this?”
Fan Xian casually lowered his head to look at the leather satchel. “That matter won’t need investigating.”
The Third Prince furrowed his brows and cruelly said, “How can you not investigate? The army is an important part of a country. The sailors of Sha Lake are important soldiers of our court and known by the title of Jiangnan sailors. If there are even problems here, if things are not investigated fully, how will the court rule itself? The Qing Kingdom is known as the strongest in the world. How will we ensure our safety?”
Fan Xian glanced at the Third Prince with surprise. From these childish and even unclear words he could tell that the child truly cared about this matter. He couldn’t help but be confused, however he turned it over in his mind and immediately understood. It seemed that this young master had a true heroic heart. He couldn’t resist smiling as he handed the leather satchel in his hand to the Third Prince.
“The sailor problem isn’t very big. Of course, that garrison will naturally have some bad luck befall him. I think, after this matter the Admiral of the sailors will have to give me some kind of an explanation. On the Yangtze River, it was also a test. The military record of the sailors are pretty good.”
The Third Prince refused to comment. He had his head down looking at the things he found in the leather satchel. The more he saw, the more startled he became. Inside were all the secret correspondence between the Jiangnan water bandits and government officials of various places—all the accounts were clear. Although there were no names of the officials on the correspondence, if things were investigated they could probably catch quite a few officials.
Fan Xian said, “This is the so-called loyalty pledge. Xia Qifei giving me these things is the same as giving me his head and those of the officials. Only after both sides have shown their hands can everyone feel at ease.”
The Third Prince suddenly raised his head and said with disbelief, “Xia Qifei will always be a spy?”
“Your Highness has understood quickly; you are indeed clever.” Fan Xian praised his student. “We can capture these officials if we want, it will just depend on time. If they don’t recognise the current situation and want to stand in opposition to the court, then naturally we will capture them. As for Xia Qifei, he will continue to be the head of the Jiangnan water bandits and associate with the sailors and officials of various regions. This is for the best.”
From Fan Xian’s perspective, the so-called position against the court was naturally the side of Xinyang.
The Third Prince looked at Fan Xian with excitement. “Teacher has a good plan.”
Fan Xian touched his hair and smiled self-deprecatingly. “What kind of shitty plan is this? Everyone would be able to think of it, except no one has the same kind of resources as the Overwatch Council so they can’t discover details about Xia Qifei or control him. They will not be able to put to good use any tricks.”
It was rare to hear him swear, and the Third Prince laughed. “Even though teacher is the immortal poet of a generation, you still swear.”
Fan Xian laughed even louder. “What bullshit immortal poet? Even immortal poets need to use the bathroom. Master Zhuang married two concubines. Who in this world is made of crystal through and through? Even if someone is, they would probably freeze to death everyone around them.”
The Third Prince giggled and suddenly asked mischievously, “Are you saying…even father…knows how to swear?”
Fan Xian paused and felt anger rising as he looked at the child. This was forcing him to tell a lie; he wanted to swear out loud. He smiled and scolded, “Go back and ask your mother Yi Guiping.”
After talking and laughing for a while the atmosphere relaxed. The Third Prince remembered what Xia Qifei said earlier. Suddenly interested, he asked, “Teacher, I heard that head thief say that in a few days there will be some kind of meeting beside the Xi Lake to judge the martial arts of the Jiangnan heroes. It’s a rare occasion…lets…lets go see it too?”
“Vulgar, so very vulgar.” Fan Xian smiled. “It is nothing more than vulgar people fighting. Your Highness is a prince, why bother joining in that ruckus?”
“The jianghu.” The Third Prince brows furrowed. “I am truly very curious about it.” His eyes lit up. “Teacher is a rare ninth-level master, you could go in disguise and win the title of a leader, wouldn’t that be marvelous? In the future it could be made into a story book and spread throughout the land…”
“More and more vulgar.” Fan Xian smiled. “If I really did this, who knows what will be said in Jingdou. There will be plenty of material to write me up a dozen times over. In the end, the Emperor will criticize me as an impetuous youth…besides, how could I be so close to danger with you beside me.”
He finally said, “Of course the Overwatch Council will send someone to see. I suspect that the people of the Fourth Bureau are already near Xi Lake. For my part, I am going to have Su Wenmao go.”
It was only now that the Third Prince knew that Fan Xian already had a plan. He couldn’t help feeling disappointed and sighed sadly. No matter how persevering and ruthless his personality was, he was still just a child. He was bound to feel a bit disappointed at not being able to join in the liveliness and see the legendary martial arts assembly.
“It’s late, please go rest now, Your Highness.” Fan Xian rose to see him out.
When he saw the Third Prince to the door, the Third Prince suddenly stopped and didn’t push open the door. Rather, he turned around, slanted his face, and looked Fan Xian up and down with interest. Shortly after he said, “Teacher, why did father arrange for me to follow beside you and come to Jiangnan with you?”
Fan Xian paused. After a moment he smiled slightly and said, “Whatever Your Highness thinks, perhaps that is His Majesty’s intention.”
Words should be regarded with respect, but motives are grounds for death.
The Third Prince’s youthful appearance immediately became serious. After thinking for a while, he slowly nodded and then asked, “Dare I ask, where my other cousin is? I have not seen him in a while, and I miss him.”
Fan Xian knew he was asking about Fan Sizhe. Looking at the Third Prince’s appearance, he found that the junior brothel boss’ pining of the senior brothel boss seemed to be sincere. He smiled. “The Ministry of Justice has already sent out wanted posters to capture him…how would I know?” The Third Prince was not the Emperor, there was no need for him to say too much.
The Third Prince glanced at him with some anger and asked one last question. “There is a question I’ve long wanted to ask.”
“Please speak, Your Highness.”
“Hm…at the Hanging Temple, why did you come save me?” The Third Prince watched him expectantly. He didn’t know what answer he wanted to hear.
Fan Xian didn’t even think, he just smiled and was direct. “Because Your Highness was in danger at the time. Of course I would save you.”
It was clear that the Third Prince did not want this perfunctory answer, and he continued to ask, “At that time…father was in more danger.”
Fan Xian’s answer was even more amazing. “I was closer to Your Highness.”
The Third Prince pushed open the door angrily and walked out thinking, This bastard is indeed soft of body but hard of heart. He won’t say anything clearly and likes to be mysterious!
The Li Chengping who grew up in the imperial family had since a young age been taught by his mother to live carefully. He was on good terms with the Second Prince but also often played in the eastern palace. He was the most tenderly loved by his older brothers. In his heart, he was the most daring and had a maturity far beyond his age—this kind of personality was forced on him by his circumstances. At the Hanging Temple, everyone was anxious about the safety of the Emperor. No one cared about the life and death of the Third Prince. The Crown Prince was even more unbearable. He then knew the saying that the royal family was heartless was not a lie.
He couldn’t help feel a chill in his heart after the event and often remembered Fan Xian’s heroics and the sight of him standing in front of him. The man had saved his life. Comparing the two, the Third Prince felt that his nominal “big cousin,” who was in reality an “older brother,” was more lovable than anyone else in the world and much more trustworthy.
Fan Xian stood at the door and watched as the Third Prince went with the Tiger Guards back into his him room. Only then did he turn around to go back inside. There was a small warm smile on his face. Going south with the Third Prince, their relationship was slightly strange. The other party was a prince, and he was a minister, but they were also student and teacher.
Furthermore, everyone knew in their hearts that they were children of the same father. Only, both the elder and junior were clever people and would never raise this issue willingly even if they mutually probed a little. After all, there are not many people who are as straightforward and direct as Sisi in this world.
…
…
“Young master, it’s time to sleep.”
Fan Xian was in a daze and found himself startled by the straightforward and direct girl. He turned his head to see Sisi carrying a basin of boiling hot water and looking intently at him.
“Don’t move too much these few days.”
He extended his feet into the water and let out a comfortable groan. He was tired from traveling day after day and his spirit was weary—he did need to soak for a bit.
Sisi held a square piece of cloth. She sat before him on a little stool and stared at him without blinking.
Fan Xian felt a bit uncomfortable under her stare and instinctively asked, “What’s wrong”?
Sisi twisted her head to glance at the wooden door before lowering her head and quietly saying, “Young master…if you’re investigating the palace treasury, then just investigate the treasury and don’t mind those other things.”
She was one of the few people who had received confirmation from Fan Xian himself, so naturally she believed his past. Although she was a straightforward girl, her mind was clever. Perhaps it was because Fan Xian had fed her ghost stories at a young age, but she also had a natural sensitivity to certain things. She saw how Fan Xian and the Third Prince spoke to each other and sensed that Fan Xian might be making some kind of preparation for the future. However, the matters of the imperial family were a terrifying and untouchable existence in the girl’s heart. She also did not see Fan Xian as someone of the palace, so she was worried.
Fan Xian’s feet stopped their movements in the water. He glanced at her with surprise. After a moment of silence, he comfortingly said, “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing. I cannot have this kid end up like Sizhe and suffer some hardship. I just hope this Jiangnan trip will be an eye-opening experience. Even if we are not talking about what could happen in the future, as a prince, he will help the Crown Prince govern the country. If he has a big heart, the world will be a better place.”
Sisi spluttered with laughter. “Turns out that my young master is one who laments the times and pities the people.”
Fan Xian laughingly scolded, “You say it as though I can’t be like that.”
“Too much so.” Sisi covered her laugh with her hand. “It seems, on the contrary, a little fake. How did young master scold that Master Xia earlier? Seems like you’ve forgotten just now.”
“The two do not cancel out,” Fan Xian said. “To be good to someone does not mean you do as they wish in all matters. How do the common people know how to protect their own interests? This kind of thing is best left to us.”
“Then why does it need to be done?” Sisi asked curiously. The girl had been born into poverty and always hoped that the young master would say something righteous. This is the so-called difficult-to-guess heart of a woman.
“Where do all of these contemplations of life come from? We are entering the Jiangnan Road tomorrow. Go and sleep. I can pour out the water myself.” Fan Xian smiled and gestured with his hand.
Sisi chuckled but continued to watch his eyes. If she was alone with Fan Xian, she was always more daring than her servant identity should allow.
There was nothing Fan Xian could do. He tapped his thigh and slowly said, “Why does it need to be done? Of course not for reasons of lamenting the times and pitying the people…I don’t have mother’s generosity. I just want peace in the world. No wars on the borders. No starvation or chaos in the cities. Even if I wanted to be a wealthy nobility, I have to make sure that it is a time of peace and prosperity. That way when I retire at just 30, I can live a life of ease. In the end, I am just very selfish. I am working to create an environment that I can enjoy in my old age.”
“Young master, what does retire mean?”
“Withdraw because of age? To do so just at 30? Although you can’t be Prime Minister, you have to be at least a duke before you return to Danzhou, right?” Sisi asked with shock. “You are already the commissioner of the Overwatch Council. You will certainly take over old Master Chen’s position in the future…you can no longer enter the court, and cannot personally direct army troops. At 30, at most you’ll be a second-class Marquis.”
With a pained face she asked, “Are you really preparing to go back to Danzhou at 30? How can you do that?”
Fan Xian didn’t think the thoughts he haphazardly revealed would cause her so much anxiety. He smiled. “It might not be Danzhou, it could be Northern Qi, Dongyi, Nanyue, Ximan or even the countries on the other side of the ocean. We should visit them all, then we will not have wasted our lives. Ride horses across the plains, take ships across the oceans…we can go slowly and see everything.”
“The Man people in the west eat people,” Sisi said with fear.
Speaking of the Man people, Fan Xian remembered the news report from the Council. He shook his head and waved away that thought, returning to the present at hand. He knew his previous words were just a beautiful but difficult dream to achieve. However, he was already pretty content with his life at the moment, except for that one major matter.
At this moment, Sisi was still counting on her fingers. “Then there are another 12 years. What are you preparing to do?”
“What am I going to do? Of course I am going to be a capable and power minister. I will be loyal to the Emperor and govern the Overwatch Council. I will bring down all those exploitative and greedy lawless officials.”
Sisi hesitated and then said, “You…are not an honest and upright official.”
The people closest to him would definitely not believe his words. Sisi was already very polite, she didn’t directly point out that he was a greedy official that broke one’s heart. Fan Xian said innocently, “I can’t help that. It’s not my fault that my old man and my father-in-law are both known as the two greediest officials in the Qing Kingdom. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
Sisi refuted it. “But you are, for sure, not a greedy official.”
Fan Xian sighed and stretched out both his hands to rub vigorously over his numb face. “After pretending for so long, I almost don’t know which is the real me…hm, this sounds very petite bourgeois right…don’t ask me what petite bourgeois is. Leave it as is, go sleep.”
In the inn, the lights were extinguished. Matters of the bed did not happen.
Letting Sisi sleep, Fan Xian climbed up from the bed and swung a coat over his shoulders. He didn’t rush to move, rather he poured a cup of cold tea that he drank to slightly dampen his anger. There was no light, so he depended on his eyesight to walk to the window in the dark.
He pushed open the window and a sky full of moonlight blew in along with the cool breeze. Opposite the inn was Sha Lake. At this moment the wind on the lake was gentle and eerily shook the long grass on the lakeside. In the middle of the lake was a picturesque moon. The scene was beautiful.
He pulled his gaze back from the lake water below the inn and naturally swung it to the right. Fan Xian saw, without surprise, the black clothed man sitting on a railing in the air with his feet dangling over empty space. He knew that given the man’s martial arts training, it would be as difficult to die from a fall as it would be to drown oneself in a water basin.
“You know I have a woman in my room. Can you not leave some space? Don’t say it’s an accident again.”
“Accident.” The black clothed man repeated. “Yun Zhilan is about to arrive in Hangzhou, I’m here to let you know.”
Fan Xian felt surprised, but his attention remained on the man’s face. He asked, “I have a question, you used to always be beside the old man…do you never sleep?”
The man did not answer.
“Where are your white clothes? Although I don’t know if that is your true appearance, you were much more handsome at that time.”
The man remained silent. Although he was Fan Xian’s subordinate, his identity and power had already reached a point where he didn’t have to answer too many of these boring and childish questions.
“My biggest question is that you are always so mysterious and unpredictable, even the Emperor doesn’t know you, so how do you govern the Sixth Bureau? After all, you are the true leader of the Sixth Bureau, that Ren person is only a representative.”
“I have my ways.” Relating to official business, the most accomplished assassin in the Qing Kingdom, the Shadow finally opened his mouth to talk.
“Also, could you talk a bit more? I know you worship that senior of ours, but you are not the same as him. You need to be clear about your identity as a civil servant…from Jingdou to here, you’ve only said three sentences to me. I am very unhappy. I have a question I’ve been wanting to ask for a long time, but I never have the opportunity to have you answer.”
In front of the Shadow, Fan Xian seemed even more like a chatterbox.
The Shadow hesitated and then spoke. “Sir, please ask.”
A faint smile appeared at the corner of Fan Xian’s lips. “You stuck me with a knife. The question is: how are you planning to make that up to me?”