Immortal Ice Empress: Path to Vengeance Chapter 324 Item Trial: Chaotic Silk Part 2

Chapter 324 Item Trial: Chaotic Silk Part 2

Mira had no concept of time during this trial so she had no idea how long it's been or how many years she's experienced. No, it could be said that Mira has experienced thousands of years, if not more, but at the same time, she hasn't spent any time in this trial.
All she knew was that the longer she was stuck in this trial, the worse it became.
At first, it only messed up her emotions, thoughts, desires, and form, but as time went on, the trial started affecting her memories, even going so far as to implant new memories.
Every few seconds, Mira would outright lose a portion of her memories, causing her to lose her sense of self. Although it didn't happen immediately and was a gradual change to Mira, it all seemed to occur simultaneously as her timeline was all messed up.
However, the trial wasn't going to make things so easy for Mira by simply erasing her memory and implanting her ones. Occasionally, she would get her memory back and would have to prepare her mind in that split second that she was able to form rational thoughts.
Of course, although Mira usually has outstanding control over her emotions and is almost always able to calmly deal with any problems that come her way it was incredibly challenging to do that in this situation.
During that split second, she was allowed to form thoughts with her authentic memories, she was too busy trying to take in the situation that she couldn't properly prepare her mind for what was to come.
In the end, she could only allow this trial to take over her mind and body. There was no stopping it, so she might as well just accept it.
Naturally that… didn't work.
How could an F.LD.I.L trial be so easy to pass?
If Mira was in the right state of mind, she might've been able to figure out the true purpose of this trial. Of course, she knew that it was made to push her mind to the limits. What she didn't know was that is only a byproduct of the trial's true objective.
Mira didn't know that some of the trials are personally designed to address the successor's needs and/or weaknesses.
That's why this trial is so hard because it was designed for Mira to acknowledge, challenge, and overcome one of her greatest weaknesses: Her Mind.
Of course, this doesn't concern her willpower or mentality. Those are already incredibly strong for her age, cultivation, and experience. No, one of Mira's greatest weaknesses is her inability to show or acknowledge any other emotion other than indifference.
That doesn't mean Mira doesn't feel things like rage, happiness, sadness, etc., it's just that she views such emotions as weaknesses and therefore represses them so much until she feels nothing but cold indifference.
That's probably why her affinity with the ice element is so high, but that's for another time.
Apparently, the F.LD.I.L has decided that Mira's perception of emotions is incredibly flawed. Emotions are only weaknesses if not used or controlled properly, but they aren't inherently bad.
Every living being in the Universe, regardless of race and gender, contains emotions and desires. Hell, in the Cultivation World, even rocks can have emotions if they are old enough or contain enough Qi.
Mira, on the other hand, has bottled up nearly all of her emotions for hundreds, if not close to a thousand years!
So, although the purpose of this test, at least on the surface, is to test her mind and willpower, it's really giving Mira a safe space where she can properly come to terms with herself and her emotions and desires.
What better way to do this than to make Mira lose her memories, replace her old memories with new memories, change her form between various elements, and even mess with her perception of time?
Well, there are probably several better ways to go about this rather than having her do it during a trial, but the F.LD.I.L knew that it wouldn't have a better time to provoke this change in Mira's mindset so it decided to use this trial. Unfortunately, it still had to go with the theme of the item she's trying to get, [Chaotic Silk], or else it probably would have used a different medium for Mira to properly come to terms with her emotions.
Anyways, Mira had no idea of this trial's true purpose and was instead forced to go through these mind-numbing experiences.
However, at some point, deep in Mira's subconscious, she started feeling something she never thought she'd feel.
She felt an intense desire to keep her memories! Although she's experienced what seemed like hell for so many years, it's those memories that make her, well, her!
She wouldn't be what she is today nor where she is today without those memories and experiences! Although she may hate to admit it, she would never in good conscience ask someone to erase those memories from her.
They may be things that will scar her forever, leaving a part of her mind partially broken, but there are also many things she's learned from those horrible experiences.
She's learned how much pain one can feel due to the betrayal of a loved one. She's learned that everyone has a dark side, no matter how nice they may seem on the surface. She's learned that, at the end of the day, one can only rely on themselves. Relying on other people is something only weak people do.
Of course, she has to acknowledge the power that a group of weak people can wield, but that leads to the next thing she's learned through all of her hardships. That everyone, no matter who they are, has desires, and sometimes those desires end up being more important than the group of people they were relying on.
That being said, a group of weak people trying to be strong will almost always strive to change their status from someone weak to someone strong. Of course, weak and strong are all relative as in some worlds, the 'strong' are the rich, while in other worlds, 'strong' means physically being strong.
After all, who in their right mind would want to stay weak?
At the very least, Mira has met very few people who don't want to move up in the world. Although Mira has heard of a few people who are content with being lower-class citizens, their hearts are often fickle and are subject to change as soon as someone gives them an offer that is impossible to refuse.
It's these kinds of experiences and memories that have shaped the person she is today, and she'd be damned if she let some trial play with her memories like they are some kind of joke!
She knew that it wouldn't be easy for her to take control of her mind, or at the very least prevent her memories from being lost, but she knew she had to at least try.
She didn't know how long she was going to be stuck here going through this shit or if there even was a time limit. So she might as well have a goal in mind and right now her only goal is to replay every memory of her life, starting all the way back with her first life!
Although she was only given 'fraction-of-a-second' increments to remember these memories, she was determined to use that time to the fullest until she made it all the way through each of her lives until this very moment!
If that didn't work, then she'd do it again! And if that still didn't work then she'd do it again!
She'd do this so many times that even if the trial were to erase her memories, they would still be present in her subconscious! They would still be with her even if she became brain-damaged and couldn't form coherent thoughts.
Every thought, every emotion, every desire, every interaction, every scene, every friend, every love, every foe.
She would remember it all until her very existence could no longer forget it!
She simply couldn't stand this trial removing pieces of her life like that! The very thought of losing all of her memories filled her mind with a seething rage. A rage that couldn't be quelled unless she got revenge on the trial for doing something so impudent!
Unfortunately, she was unable to physically beat up the trial, and even if she was physically able to do it, she was most likely too weak to be able to do any real damage to it.
Doing this was the only way she could think of that would allow her to get her revenge on the trial while also trying to pass it without her mind crumbling and her sense of self diminishing.
Whether or not Mira would be able to pass the trial by doing this remains to be seen, but at least she has a goal and is doing everything in her power to reach that goal!